Run Before The Calamity Strikes
by kira66
Summary: Seven years ago Jordan ran. Ran away from her life in Boston. Ran away from her friends and family. But now she is back. But she's not alone. And she's not the same Jordan as she was seven years ago.
1. Chapter 1

Jordan, carefully, made her way through the crowd, shifting the sleeping toddler on her hip to the other side. She had never seen the Pogue so packed before but a lot of things probably changed in the seven years that she had been gone. Finally she reached her destination, the bar. She let out a sigh of relief when she sat down on a bar stool. She eyed the area behind the bar trying to catch a glimpse of her father. Someone she hadn't seen since she left. Sure, she had called him once to let him know she was ok. But one phone call in seven years couldn't compare to seeing him. With a smile she placed a kiss on top of the child's brown hair.

Little Eve could have been mistaken for her mother when she was her age. Eve was a splitting image of a young Jordan except for the eyes. Her eyes she got from her father, Mark Kincade. A man her mother met soon after leaving Boston.

Mark Kincade was actually the arresting officer the night Jordan was pulled over for drinking and driving in Louisville, Kentucky. She failed the Sobriety test and he arrested her. But he saw something underneath the drunk exterior of Jordan and after letting her sleep it off, bailed her out. He took her to a corner café and bought her a coffee to help her hangover. That is where they sat for hours while she talked and he listened. He learned that she left Boston for a new start. That she had been a Medical Examiner with the Boston Coroner's Office and that had something to do with her leaving. He could never get the full story out her but never pushed. During those hours at the diner a bond had been formed between the two of them.

Louisville, Kentucky wasn't where she was heading. But, then again, she had no idea where she was going once she left Boston. Getting drunk and ending up there couldn't have been a coincidence so she decided to stay. If only for a little while until she got herself together.

For the first six months, Mark helped Jordan get back on her feet. He got her a part time job as a Medical Examiner with the Louisville Coroner's Office and helped her find an apartment that she could afford on her salary. They stayed friends after that. Best friends as a matter of fact.

Jordan never did anything to make herself stick out from her colleagues. She didn't need unnecessary attention. Not yet anyways. She just did her job and nothing more. She was, actually, well liked around the office and had quite a few friends by the time the one year anniversary of her employment had arrived.

Now all during this time she had been seeing more and more of Mark. They would go to parties together. Work cases together. Get together to watch movies and relax. She had attended several formal Police functions with him. Their relationship was progressing into something more than friendship and both of them knew it. They knew it but neither one wanted to talk about it. Jordan didn't want to talk about in fear that she'd mess it up and Mark didn't want to talk about it because he couldn't believe that someone like Jordan would want anything to do with him. Jordan was perfect in his eyes. She was beautiful, wonderful and had a sense of humor that anyone could enjoy. But he say himself as plain. He wasn't bad looking. Not by a long shot. He was well built from his years with the Louisville Metro Police Department. His hair was sandy blonde and his eyes were crystal blue. But he wore glasses and spoke with a southern accent which made him feel less than attractive. At the same time it was one of the things that Jordan liked about him. She thought the silver wire rim of his glasses made his eyes sparkle. Even when it was dark. His eyes always seemed to sparkle. And his southern draw made her melt every time he spoke.

Another year went by before they finally went on their first date. After that was over, everything seemed to fall into place. Six months later they were engaged. Six months after that they were married and patiently awaiting the arrival of their first child. Eve Emily Kincade was born eight months after her parents wedding. And was named for both of her grandmothers. Mark's mother had passed away from cancer when he was six and Jordan's mother had been murdered when she was ten. Jordan protested at first. Not wanting her daughter to have a name that brought her so much sadness and pain. But Mark talked her into it. He always could get her to do things with just a few words. It was his gift. A gift he used to put a smile on Jordan and Eve's face until the day that he died. A year to the very day.

Jordan blinked as she felt Eve waking up. She shook her heads to clear away her previous thoughts. "It's been a year." She whispered sadly. A year since she lost her husband to a bullet from a convenient store robbers gun. She took a shaky breath. Maybe coming back here wasn't a good idea? She had friends back in Louisville and a sense of belonging that she no longer felt here. She felt like a stranger. That was a feeling that she didn't like. Glancing down she met sleepy crystal blue eyes with her own brown ones. "Go back to sleep sweety." She mumbled as she again glances behind the bar. There. She spotted him emerging from his office towards the back. Swallowing, she shifted Even until she was sitting on her lap, facing the bar. Chewing on her bottom lip she finally found her voice. "Hey!" She called out, directing her voice towards the older, gray haired, man just stepping behind the bar. "What does a girl have to do to get a drink around here?" She raised an eye brow as the man turned towards her direction. A shy grin formed on her lips as he made his way over to her.

Max Cavanaugh was having a rough night. The place was packed and noisy so he spent most of the night in his office catching up on bills. After he finished with that he left the confines of his nice, quiet, office to mingle with his customers. All of which were police officers or people associated with the police department. At first he thought he was hearing things until he looked down the bar towards a woman who was directing her question about a drink towards him. At first he was going to ignore her but something was familiar about her. Once he moved in front of her he knew what it was. He was speechless. Not one word would come from his mouth. There sitting, after seven years, was his daughter.

Licking her lips, Jordan leaned down to speak to Eve. "Sweety. I would like for you to meet someone. Ok?" When the little girl nodded she continued. "This is your Grandpa Max. Remember Mommy and Daddy telling you about him?" The little girl nodded again and gave Max a shy smile.

The words 'Grandpa Max' echoed through his head. To Max that could only mean one thing. The little girl on his little girls lap was his granddaughter. Again he tried to say speak but nothing would come out. He should have guessed. The little girl reminded him of Jordan when she was little. Finally the shock wore off and he found his voice. "I...I have a granddaughter?" He asked quietly.

Jordan let out a throaty chuckle then nodded. "Yes, Dad. This is Eve. And she's going to be four in July." She grew silent and fiddled with the rings on her finger. She liked to wear her engagement and wedding ring. And even after his death, couldn't bring herself to remove them. She felt like she'd be betraying Mark. A man that she gave herself, body and soul, to. "I'm sorry I didn't call." She said almost in a whisper.

Max knew this wasn't the time or the place for them to talk but he listened to her speak. "Eve?" He tried the name out on his tongue. "I like it." He smiled at the little girl and couldn't help but notice Jordan fiddling with a wedding ring. So his daughter was married? If that was so, where was her husband? Was her husband the father of the child sitting on her lap? Why did she decide to come back after seven years? He had a ton of questions running through his head but he'd wait to ask them until later. "I'll close early tonight so we can...catch up." He said quietly and moved away to give the announcement. He gave his customers another hour before closing down and in that hour stayed away from Jordan and Eve, socializing with old and new friends. When the last customer left and he turned the sign to closed, only then did he focus his attention back on his estranged daughter who was now holding a sleeping Eve. The first question out of his mouth was simple yet spoke volumes. "Why?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Why?" Jordan parroted as she spun around on the bar stool to face her father. Eve was cradled against her chest and sleeping soundly. Even with all the noise that was going on around her, she managed to fall back asleep. The question had been simple and if she didn't know better, would have given a simple answer. But the simple answer wasn't what her father was looking for. He wanted an explanation. Sure, he didn't say that. But Jordan could read it in his eyes. See it in his movements. A sigh escaped from her lips. "Is there someplace I can lay her? She'll be cranky when she wakes up, otherwise." She gave him a crooked little grin. "It's not a pretty sight."

Max knew that Jordan was contemplating the easy answer. Struggling with the truth or a story that would be concocted to what he wanted to hear. But in the end he knew that he won. She was going to tell him the truth but not right away. The change in subject was a diversion but he allowed it. "There is a old couch in the office." He motioned with his head and pulled a chair out, sitting down not far from where Jordan sat at the bar.

Nodding, she stood and gracefully carried the sleeping Eve into the room that she saw him emerge from earlier. She laid her little angel onto the couch and kissed her forehead. "Sleep well." She murmured before exiting the room, leaving the door open so she could hear if she got up. She took her time returning to her seat, dreading what came next. Silence followed her several minutes after she sat down. Taking a deep breath, she let it out and began to speak. "I screwed up, Dad. That's all I can say. I screwed up and didn't attempt to fix things. I packed my things and did the only thing that I'm good at. Running. I ran and never looked back." Jordan was surprised at how steady her voice was that's when it hit her like a ton of bricks. She had changed. She grew up. "I don't even know where to begin. My life has been pretty amazing these past seven years." The corners of her mouth were tugging upwards into a smile.

Max watched Jordan as she carried her daughter(that was something he'd have to get used to) into his office. He took that time to gather his thoughts and by the time she returned he was ready to hear anything she had to say. He was silent as she spoke. Then she managed to surprise him by saying that her life had been amazing. Usually when she turned from running she was glad to be back. Happy to have a steady life to return to. But he didn't get that feeling from her this time. "Amazing? How so?" He prodded.

She let out a chuckle. "I know what your thinking and it surprised me too. But Mark was a big help." She saw the question in her fathers eyes about Mark so she continued before he could interrupt her. "Mark is Eve's father and my...was my husband." Her voice was quiet. She took a shaky breath. "You would have liked him, Dad. He was a ten year veteran of the Louisville Metro Police Department when I met him. He actually arrested me." She lowered her head and continued while look at the floor. "I was drunk and he left him sleep it off in one of the cells. Then he bailed my sorry behind out, took me to a corner café and listened while I blubbered about my messed up life. After that we were friends. He helped me out. Pulled a few strings to get me a job, helped find me a decent apartment and was just there when I needed him. Took us awhile to realize that our relationship had evolved into more than friendship. But once we both got out heads out of our asses, everything came together. We got engaged, married and welcomed Eve into this world." She fell silent, reliving the good memories.

"So what happened to this Mark fellow?" Max noticed how she ever so carefully avoided telling him whatever happened to her husband, in the past tense. His first thought was that he ran out on her. Leaving her to raise a daughter on her own. That would explain why she came back to Boston.

Jordan knew this question was coming. Her father wasn't one to be fooled. And being his daughter, she knew that he was probably thinking the worse of Mark. And her sudden arrival did seem suspicious. She basicly ended up on his doorstep with a toddler and no husband in tow. He was just thinking the obvious and she couldn't blame him. "Mark..." She trailed off to gather her thoughts before continuing. "This is the one year anniversary of Mark's death. Sixteen years with the force and a stupid kid robbing a convenient store took him out. One bullet and he was gone." She said, bitter sweetly. "I always told June and Maggie, their husbands were cops too, that I would never get the call at seven o'clock in the morning telling me that my husband has been killed. Mark was too good at what he did. He wasn't stupid. But then again I guess I was right, partly. It wasn't seven o'clock in the morning when they called. It was noon. And he was still alive when I rushed to the hospital after dropping Eve off at Maggie's house. I held his hand as he was rushed into surgery only to be told an hour later that he didn't make it. The bullet had lodged in the right ventricle of his heat. There was no way of saving him." She swallowed and fought back tears. This was still a painful subject for her. "To make a long story short, I stayed there as long as I could before it became too painful. So here I am."

Max didn't know what to say. Her life did sound pretty amazing. His heart went out to his daughter. She actually found someone that she could love and have that love returned only to have him taken away. It had surprised him to hear that Mark was a Cop. He was sure that she would steer clear of people in that line of work after seeing what he went through but then again you couldn't help who you feel in love with. "I'm sorry to hear that Jordan." He said softly then pulled her into a tight embrace. "It's good to have you home." Now he was beginning to choke up. He wanted the truth and she gave it to him. It was unexpected but at the same time a nice change.


	3. Chapter 3

She pulled out of the embrace after a few seconds and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry." A shy smile formed on her lips. "It's good to be back..." She trailed off and looked around. "There was a lot of people here tonight." Jordan stated, simply. "Is it always that crowded?"

He felt her pull away from him but he left her go. Jordan never really was one for physical contact and Max knew that. Even the smallest comforting gesture made her uncomfortable. "Is it always crowded? Yes." Was his only answer to her question as he stood and moved behind the bar once again. "You never did get your drink. What will ya have?"

She spun back around to face the bar and regarded her father for a moment. "Water. I don't drink anymore. I gave it the moment I woke up with a killer hangover not knowing where I was. I think I got lucky that it was Mark working that shift. Who knows what would have happened to me if it hadn't been?" She chuckled after seeing the shocked look on her fathers face.

Max couldn't help but looked shocked. Jordan was always a drinker. He knew that during her teenage years she had developed a taste for his beer that was kept in the back of the refrigerator. There was always a can or two missing but he didn't think much of it. His daughter always had friends over. Friends that weren't exactly normal. So he just suspected one of them was stealing it. But as the years went by, and him catching her, he came to realize that it was her, not one of her friends, taking it. He shook those thoughts from his head as he removed a bottle of water from an under-bar refrigerator and sat it in front of her. Now it was his turn to be honest to her. "Garrett still asks about you."

Jordan's smile slowly faded into a frown as she stared at her bottle of water. "He does?" Her voice is steady. She really didn't know what to say. Garrett wasn't the entire reason for her leaving seven years ago but he was a big part of it. "How's he doing?" Now her voice held nothing but bitterness.

"He's doing good, Jordan. He stops in on the weekends with Spencer." Max knew he was taking a risk talking about Garrett. He knew that the man had hurt Jordan beyond repair. But wasn't it Jordan who had, this very night, stated that she messed up and that was the reason that she ran? "He's getting big, Jordan." He says, quietly.

She couldn't help the pain that reflexed in her eyes. This was a sensitive subject for her but one that needed addressed. Jordan had hoped that it would take a few days for her father to mention Garrett. That would have been enough time for her to get her bearings about her and face the subject as a mature adult. Something she was unsure of doing at this moment. "I..." She trailed off and looked towards the office when she heard ruffling but Eve did not emerge and silence settled back into place. "I spoke about this with Mark. I told him before we got married. He needed to know the truth. He took me in his arms and held me. After that, he was hell bent on trying to get me custody or at least visitation rights. He was friends with most of the local attorneys since they went to school together. But I got him to drop it only after I made it clear that this was my life not his. He was pissed at me for days." She let out a little chuckle then continued. "Garrett took Spencer away from me for a reason that he thought was just. I accepted that I would never see him again. It was heart breaking for me to finally let go. To move on. But Eve made it easier and so did Mark. But there isn't a night that goes by that I don't think of him. That I don't think of my son!" She spit the last part out like it had burnt her mouth.

Max, literally, winced at her tone. He could remember when Jordan and Garrett had been happy together. They had only been two years into their marriage when Spencer was born. After that, everything seemed to go down hill. Jordan would show up to the bar, crying. Their marriage ended shortly after the third year. Garrett had filed for divorce and full custody of Spencer and it was granted to him. Jordan never said how he was able to do that but it wasn't long after she signed the divorce papers that she had left.

Max could never figure out why she showed up in tears so much. He had his suspicions. One being that Garrett had returned to his old habits and she had discovered him cheating on her. He sighed, tiredly. "Do you have someplace to stay, Jordan?"

Jordan knew that he was changing the subject for her benefit. "Yes. This trip wasn't a spur of the moment ordeal. I made sure that we had someplace to live before coming back. It's one of the new townhouses downtown. Big enough for me and Eve to live comfortably. It's just weird moving back into an apartment. Selling our house was the hardest thing I've ever done." Glancing down at her watch she frowned. "I should be getting Eve home. I have things I need to unpack." She stood and started towards the office but stopped. There as something else she needed to tell her father. Chewing on her bottom lip, she turned back towards him.

"Townhouse?" Max raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "You really have changed Jordan." He watched her get up and move towards his office where her daughter, his granddaughter, was resting. He blinked when she stopped and turned towards him. "What is it?"

Swallowing she looked down at her hands then withdrew a slim, flat, wallet out of her back pocket. She rummaged through the contents for a moment before removing something and staring at it. She placed the wallet back into her pocket and walked over to the bar. She laid the object in her hand, a picture, onto the counter then disappeared into the office to wake Eve up.

Max watched her and only move towards the object when Jordan disappeared from sight. Glancing down, he picked the picture up and looked at it. It was a family picture by the looks of it. He let his eyes scan over the smiling faces. Turning it over, he discovered that it was taken two years ago. Again he turned back to the smiling faces. Jordan was in the middle with a younger Eve sitting on her lap. A nice looking man with sandy blonde hair and a honest face sat to her left. "So that is Mark." He mumbled noticing the resemblance between him and the little girl on Jordan's lap. It was actually the eyes that gave it away. Same crystal blue. But there was another man in the picture sitting on Jordan's right. His smile was identical to Jordan's. Max felt his breath catch in his throat and looked up just in time to see Jordan's back as she exited. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to look back at the picture. "James" His mouth and mind said at the same time. 'What on earth was James doing in this picture?' He asked himself mentally. Then asked the obvious question. 'James is alive?' That surprised him. Then he made a mental note to ask Jordan about it. She obviously wanted to explain or she wouldn't have given him the picture. With one last glance at the picture, he turned off the lights and left the bar.


	4. Chapter 4

Jordan had spent the entire weekend unpacking boxes and settling in. Eve seemed to like her new home but didn't understand why it was smaller than their house had been. Jordan on the other hand didn't know what to feel. One minute she would feel content and the other she would be fighting back tears. So due to these emotional mood swings she chose just to stay at home. Meaning that she didn't get to see her father again until Sunday.

The street was practically empty in front of the Pogue so finding a parking space wasn't a problem. Nerves caused her to take her time unbuckling Eve from her car seat and gathering the items, toys mostly, that she had brought with her. So after fifteen minutes she had Eve's bag swung over her shoulder and the little girl by the hand, heading inside. A bell, something she hadn't noticed her first night back, announced her arrival to those already inside the bar.

The bar wasn't packed like it was on Friday night. Instead, there was only about a handful of people scattered around at tables and at the bar. It was brightly lit and no longer smokey.

'What a difference a few days make.' She thought to herself as she lead her daughter to the bar and helped her up onto a stool. A few of the patrons gave her curious looks before returning to their liquors of choice. In return she gave them the trademark Jordan Cavanaugh smile. Shaking her head, she looked around for her father and frowned when she didn't see him.

A young man, behind the bar, was heading towards her with a determined look on his face. She could already imagine what he was so determined about. She held up a hand to stop him before he started. "Look..." Jordan eyed his shirt looking for a name. "Look...Erik...I'm not leaving and neither is my daughter." She could see him growing frustrated with her and flustered that she had derailed him before he could openly ask her to leave. "He probably had a whole speech about minors not being allowed in bars too.' She thought to herself. "Is my father here?" His frustrated look turned into one of confusion. "Forget it." She mumbled. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea? Her father had obviously failed to mention her to his staff. That made her stomach fall. For some really she felt hurt by that. With a frown she looked down at her daughter who had been looking forward to spending time with her grandfather. "Sorry kiddo. Looks like we'll have to come back another day." 'Or just move back to Kentucky.' She added to herself. At least in Kentucky she had friends and so did Eve. They were apart of a close knit family unlike here where she felt like a complete and total stranger. Chewing on her bottom lip, she helped her daughter off the stool and began a hasty retreat towards the door not noticing that her father had appeared.

Max stepped out of his office with a smile on his face. Spencer and Garrett had been there since eleven when the bar opened. His grandson always brought a smile to his face. His smile faded slightly seeing Jordan, hastily, making her way towards the door. Frowning, he looked towards the bar Erik stood frozen watching her leave. Obviously the unsuspecting bartender had done something to upset his daughter so he made his way towards the door and placed a hand against it, not allowing her to leave. Looking down into her face, he caught sight of tears. 'What the...?' He thought. "Jordan?" He questioned. "What's wrong?"

Jordan was almost free when she felt her escape route blocked. Looking up she met her fathers eyes with her own tear filled ones. "Nothing." She said quietly. "I...ah..." She stammered trying to fight back the tears but failing as they splashed down her pale cheeks. "Eve..." She was at a loss for words. "Dammit." She mumbled as she let go of her daughters hand to wipe her eyes. "Eve wanted to see you." She managed to get out in a steady voice. "We were going to come earlier but church let out late and then traffic was horrible." She shook her head not noticing that her daughter was no longer at her side.

There was, obviously, something bothering Jordan but he couldn't force her to talk. "Church?" He questioned, amused. The thought of his little girl going to church brought a smile to his face and a ache to his heart. She really had changed and he was slowly realizing how much. He had thought, that she would visit or call him on Saturday but everything stayed quiet. Max had grown worried that she might have taken off again but dismissed that and prayed that she didn't. Now here she was trying to leave soon after she came. "Are you sure your ok, Jordan?"

Nodding, Jordan sighed. "I'm fine, Dad. And yes, we go to church. You'd be surprised at how many southern folks attend church. Mark was no different. He had me 'hooked' before we started to date. I guess it brought something into my life that I had lacked for along time. Faith." She smiled then looked down. "Eve?" She questioned, during a three sixty turn. Her eyes darted around. "EVE?" She called out, frantically. Dropping the bag of toys, she began to look under the tables.

Max blinked as he saw his daughter go into frantic mode. That was when he noticed that Eve was nowhere in sight. He was growing worried as well. "Eve!" He called out and made went around the other way. Blinking, he heard giggles coming from inside his office. He made his way there and stood in the doorway. "I'll be..." He mumbled as he watched Eve introduce herself to the two already inside. He didn't have time to react when he was pushed out of the way.

Jordan had also heard the giggles and charged towards them. She, all but, plowed over her father to get inside. In one motion she had Even scooped up in her arms and was checking her over. Then was hugging her with all her might, the tears were back. "Don't ever do that again, angel." She mumbled into her daughters hair, only then did she notice who's company she was in. A deer caught in the headlights was the only way to describe the look now plastered on her face. Then she bolted, clutching her daughter to her chest. Again she was stopped but this time by a hand grabbing her elbow. And this time it wasn't her father.


	5. Chapter 5

Jordan felt every muscle in her body tense up in response to the grip on her elbow. This made her clutch Eve tighter. Closing her eyes, she took several shaky breaths. When her eyes opened, she was greeted with the pleading blue eyes of her daughter who had obviously stated that she wanted down, more than once. Grimacing, she set Eve to the floor and took a hold of her hand and turned towards the person stopping her escape. A defeated sigh escaped from her lips seeing that it was indeed Garrett Macy holding onto her arm. "Hello Garrett." She said softly as she pulled out of his grip.

The little girls appearance in the small office had surprised him since Max was very strict about children being in the bar. Spencer was almost nine and Max's grandson so an exception had been made. But what surprised him the most about the little girl, besides her grasp of words at such a young age, was her looks. He would have sworn on anything that the little girl was Jordan's but that had to be impossible. One reason was that Jordan had disappeared seven years ago. And two, no one had the vaguest idea where she was at. But just as he had himself convinced that the child wasn't Jordan's, who appeared? Jordan. She looked older but time had been gentle with her. At first she didn't even notice anyone else was in the room but once she did, she bolted. This made Garrett panic so he went after her. Stopping her before she could run again. "Hello Jordan. It's been awhile." He kept his tone neutral and light not wanting to scare her away before he had a chance to talk with her. A talk that was seven years over due.

'_I can do this_.' Jordan told herself. She had grown up. Changed into someone better. So why was she running? She didn't know. Seeing Garrett again after so many years brought emotions to the surface that she didn't want to face. And the boy...God...the boy had to be Spencer. There was no question in her mind, with only the glance that she had, that the boy sitting in the office was her son. "Yes. It has." She kept her replies short in hopes that he'd back off but the look in his eyes said other wise.

'Oh, I know what you're doing Jordan.' He said to himself as he listened to her short, curt, reply. 'I'm not that easy to get rid of.' His lips formed a tight straight line as he eyed her. Yes, time had been good to her indeed. She looked no different than she did seven years ago. Except more relaxed. "Sit, I'll buy you a drink." He knew this was a low blow but he couldn't help but feel some left over anger for her. He motioned to a small table not far from where they were standing.

Jordan's eyes narrowed at his remark but instead of throwing an insult at him, she gave him a smug smile. "I don't drink." She said, curtly, as she lead Eve over to the table and sat down. She released her daughters hand and instructed her to take her bag of toys into the corner and play. The little girl did as she was told, without complaint.

Garrett raised an eyebrow and followed her to the table, sitting down also. He couldn't help but watch the little girl for a few seconds before turning his attention back to Jordan. "You don't drink? Well, that is a surprise." A smug smile formed on his lips seeing her wince at his words. "How long has it been? One...two days?"

It was taking all her power to keep control. He was insulting her but she wouldn't stoop to that level. Not with her daughter only a few feet from her. "Seven years." She snapped but said nothing else.

The smug smile faded and he really looked at the woman sitting across from him. She wasn't lying, he could tell. "So what have you been up to? Besides the obvious?" He motioned towards the little girl in the corner.

"I've been living life...to the fullest." This time her voice was calm and steady. "The past seven years have been amazing. I should be thanking you do that, Garrett." She fell silent for a moment before continuing. "Without you taking me to the cleaners, I would have never left and I would have never had an amazing life. I would have never had a loving, devoted husband or a beautiful child. I owe it all to you." Again her voice was calm and steady. She would not be goaded into anything.

It was Garrett's turn to narrow his eyes but he wasn't as controlled as Jordan appeared to be. His hands slammed down onto the table top, startling several of the Sunday patrons into leaving. "Dammit Jordan! You just up and left! One minute you were there and the next you weren't! It was like you just went poof into thin air! I found the signed divorce papers on the coffee table and you were no where to be seen!"

Jordan raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow at his outburst and a frown graced her lips. "Do not use that tone or language around my child. I'm sure you don't use it around your son." She hissed out.

"Our son, Jordan! _OUR SON_!" He yelled the last part out before collapsing back in the chair suddenly feeling his age. "Spencer is our son." He said softly.

A small, dry, chuckle escaped from Jordan's lips. And her eyes were literally dancing with amusement. "My son? I don't have a son, Garrett. My _husband_ and I never got around to proving Eve with a sibling."

His chest literally tightened at hearing her words. 'What the hell was she talking about? Of course Spencer was her son. She gave birth to him. After all.' He thought to himself but his verbal words were so kind. "Your husband?" He let out a laugh. "I don't see a husband here Jordan. Maybe you have him packed away in a suitcase? Or maybe he grew some brains and left before things got unbearable." He regretted the words as soon as they came out after seeing the look in her eyes.

Jordan gasped at his harsh and unkind words. Tears welled up in her eyes as she fought for control of her emotions once again. "You _bastard_." She hissed under her breath as she stood and towered over his sitting frame. She was shaking with so much anger that she thought she'd explode at any moment. The words that came from her mouth also shook and were forced through clenched teeth. "Don't you dare pretend that you know me, Garrett Macy. DON'T YOU DARE!" She had to pause a moment to catch her breath. "My husband didn't leave me because he wanted to. He didn't leave me by choice. He left because he was taken from me. From us." She motioned towards the corner where Eve sat playing with her dollies. She forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat. "His leaving was the result of a senseless act of violence. His _murder_ was senseless. So as you can see Garrett...he didn't leave by his own free will. He was forced. Forced to leave behind his family. Forced out of his child's life and not by a court order. Forced out of my life and not by a divorce document. We would have never done that to each other. Never. Because we loved each other." She felt tired now. That outburst took a lot out of her already emotionally fragile body. "I might have given birth to Spencer nine years ago but you make the choice to take him away from me. You made the choice to leave me with nothing. I gave you my heart and in return I got nothing except a taste of cold hard reality." She fell silent now not having noticed the approach of the small boy.

Garrett sat in mute silence feeling like a complete and total ass. He didn't know what to say or even if he should say anything. This was obviously still a fresh wound for Jordan and he ached for her. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her but knew it was impossible. Here he was just a few moments ago panicking that she'd leave again without him getting answers. Now he was sure that she was going to leave. He never wanted to divorce her or take Spencer away but it was the only thing he could think of to force her into changing. She was a workaholic and was using alcohol more and more to relax. After a few short weeks she had turned into a full blown alcoholic. He feared for her safety and the safety of their son. She wouldn't listen to his pleading, demanding, threatening so he went one step further. He pushed her and she pushed back. She never fought him for custody of Spencer like he had hoped. She never contested the divorce like he had hoped. Instead she withdrew into herself and disappeared. But here she was sitting across from him, moaning the loss of a man that had loved her, faults and all. She had obviously changed for Eve's father and it made him wonder if she would have eventually changed for him. Shaking his head, he glanced over at his wide-eyed son. "Shit." He mumbled under his breath. The boy had obviously heard everything by the look in his eyes.

She did feel bad that Spencer heard their argument but it was Garrett that started it and it was Garrett that would have to deal with the results. "Eve, sweety, gather your things. We'll visit grandpa Max another day." She smiled as the little girl began to put her dollies away but in an orderly fashion that had only further proved that she was her daughter. Smiling, she glanced over at Garrett who was consoling the boy. Her heart broke. No matter how many times she told herself and others that she had accepted that her son was no longer part of her life, she still missed him. Any decent, caring, mother would. She licked her lips. "Hey..." She said softly, trying to get the boys attention. Once he looked at her, she offered him a small smile. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. Grown-ups aren't very good at using their inside voices, are they?" That got a small smile from him. She wanted nothing more than to reach across the table and touch him but instead she took hold of Eve's hand and stood. She noticed Max standing behind the bar, looking disappointed. In her? Probably. "Great." She mumbled. All she needed was her father to be angry at her. Coming back was a bad idea. She was sure of that now. She stopped hearing a small voice behind her.

"Are you my mommy?" Nine year old Spencer Macy asked the pretty woman. He had heard her and his father arguing and he recognized the womans voice. Tears welled up on his eyes as he waited for her to answer, never leaving his fathers loving embrace.

Jordan swallowed and glanced down at her daughter. She was so sweet and innocent. Never paying attention to the world around her. This time she was grateful for that. She turned around to face the boy and took a moment to gather her thoughts before smiling sadly. "Ya kiddo. I was your mommy for about two years of your life. And I loved you with all my heart and soul. I still do. I used to sing you a lullaby at night to get you to sleep. You remember that?" He nodded his head and she smiled. "You were perfect and you still are. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." She saw the hope in his perfect brown eyes. A match to hers, she knew. Closing her eyes, she sighed. "But I'm not your mommy anymore and I haven't been for along time. I'm Eve's mommy now and she needs me more than you do. You have a daddy. But Eve doesn't. So I have to be both mommy and daddy. Do you understand?" She could see the tears beginning to spill over and run down his pale cheek. Her own eyes welled up but she left before anyone could see her mourn the loss of her son.

Garrett held Spencer tightly as he cried. The little boy didn't understand. He had always been told of his mother and only good things. But here she was, flesh and blood, telling him that he didn't need her. That she loves him but can't be his mommy anymore. This made all the hope he held inside his little heart deflate in an instant. Hope that he'd meet his mother someday and she'd want to be apart of his life. Swallowing, Garrett glanced towards Max and sighed. "What did I do?" He asked, more to himself than anyone else. "What did I do?" Shaking his head, he just held the sobbing little boy. He would talk with Jordan. He would make her see that Spencer needed her just as much as Eve. He'd try to fix what he had broken. He'd make her see that she was needed and wanted in not only Spencer's life but his as well. He just hoped that she didn't run again.


	6. Chapter 6

A month went by before Max heard from his daughter. The argument with Garrett had been bad or so he assumed from what he heard. At first he feared that his daughter had packed up and disappeared again. This wouldn't have surprised him as fast as she had left that night. But then out of the blue he got a call from her. All that he could feel at that time was relief that she was still around and hadn't decided to leave. She was calling to ask if he wanted to spend some time with Eve while she ran some errands. He would have gladly accepted except for that fact that he was watching a very sick Spencer. He didn't tell his daughter that. Instead, he made up an excuse about himself being ill and that he'd gladly see his granddaughter when he got well. That ended the conversation rather abruptly and all he heard on the other end was a dial tone. Another two weeks would go by before he had any other contact with Jordan. Accidental contact but contact none the less.

Jordan was livid when she left her fathers bar that night. She had drove around Boston until dawn trying to calm her nerves. That's when she made a promise to herself that living in Boston would be no different than living in Louisville. She pushed any thoughts of her father out of her mind in order to introduce a feeling of normalcy into her and Eve's life. But she caved after a month of isolation. The phone call to her father was her way of trying to make amends. She made up an excuse about having to run errands and thought that maybe he would want to spend a little time getting to know Eve. It back fired and he claimed to be sick and would see Eve when he was feeling better. She wanted to believe his story but he hadn't sounded sick until she mentioned Eve. This caused her to assume that he wasn't willing to accept Eve as his grandchild. Why would he? He already had Spencer to spoil. Why would he want another one? That just made her resolve to include him in Eve's life, fade. Well if he didn't want anything to do with Eve then he would get his wish. But in the process he'd lose his daughter as well.

Jordan pulled her Nissan Murano into the parking lot of Madison Heights Academy. Eve had been enrolled there for two weeks now. She waved to Eve when she appeared with several other kids and Mrs. Otas, Eve's daycare teacher. With a smile and after several minutes of polite conversation with Mrs. Otas, Jordan and Eve were on their way to Duncan's, a nice family restaurant downtown. This was their dinner and had been for the past two weeks.

Basicly, Madison Heights Academy was a glorified daycare, preschool and elementary school all rolled into one. Children as young as six months could be enrolled there and their enrollment would last until they reached middle school age when they would then be transferred into the public school system or to one of the local private schools associated with Madison Heights. This was schooling for the wealthy. Tuition payments bordered on fifteen thousand a year just for those enrolled in the daycare and preschool programs. This price rose when the child reached kindergarten and again when they moved onto first grade.

She was proud to be able to do this for her daughter. Mark's death left her with several large summed life insurance polices and a hefty pension check every month. Even without that income, Jordan would have been able to afford it.

The night Jordan returned and spoke with her father, she had failed to mention one thing. The fact that she had attended the University of Louisville, night classes, for four years, getting her medical degree in Pediatrics. She had only been practicing for six months when Mark was killed. She knew that she couldn't apply for a job at the Boston Medical Examiners since that is where Garrett probably still worked so she took a job at one of Boston Generals Pediatric clinics. It payed well and she was able to provide Eve with all the comforts a child her age needed.

Dinner at Duncan's was great. Their food was wonderful and the staff even better. So while Eve was enjoying a piece of caramel cheesecake, Jordan just relaxed. She had to smile while looking at Eve. She looked so cute in her green and silver Madison Heights Academy uniform. All children, male and female, were required to wear one. It was supposed to decrease negative attitudes between children since one couldn't out dress another. At first Jordan had been hesitant on forcing her daughter to conform with the masses but she and Mark had talked, at length, about sending Eve to a private school when she got older. He had agreed that she would get a better education and head start on life that way. Jordan was only following his wishes so that made it a little easier on her. That and the fact that Eve didn't seem to mind dressing like everyone else. She shook her head in order to focus on the present instead of the past. Eve now seemed to be having a conversation with a little boy wearing the same uniform. She looked around and spotted the boys mother sitting close by. A wave indicated to Jordan that the other mother was watching them. Grateful, Jordan waved back.

Max was tired by the time Garrett picked Spencer up. The little boy just seemed miserable. So after they left, Max decided that instead of fixing dinner, he'd go out. Duncan's was within walking distance of his house so he grabbed his coat and left. He heard the food was great but never actually ate there so he just smiled as a waiter seated him and then took his drink and food order. It seemed nice enough. Mostly families with children dotted the varies tables and booths around him but he did spot one or two elderly couples mixed in the crowd. But his eyes, that had been sweeping the crowd, spotted Jordan. She wasn't sitting more than three tables away from him. Eve was with her, dressed in what he was sure was a school uniform. He frowned. That couldn't be right. Eve was only three, not old enough for school. So with that in mind, he stood and walked over to the table. "Is this seat taken?" He asked from behind Jordan.

Jordan jumped at the question having been daydreaming again. Looking up, she caught sight of the person asking the question. "No dad. Join us?" She said with a sigh. "Hi grampa." Came the soft greeting from Eve who had looked up long enough to investigate the new arrival before turning her attention back to the little boy, Ethan.

Nodding, Max caught his waiter and requested that his ordered items be brought to the new table. Sitting down, he eyed Jordan. "So you want to explain, Jordan?" He asked as he took a sip of his newly received ice tea. He wasn't clear on what he wanted explained since there was so many things. He just hoped she'd picked something and start from there.

Rolling her eyes, she looked over at her daughter. "I'm sorry I haven't called you. I've been busy. I started work and Eve started daycare. There just wasn't anytime to socialize." She shrugged.

"Socialize? I'm your father, Jordan. Not a friend or a passing acquaintance of yours. Picking up the phone doesn't take that long." He was quiet then.

Jordan sighed and played with a discarded french fry that was on her plate. He was right of course. But what was she supposed to say? 'Oh by the way I've been avoiding you since you want nothing to do with my daughter?' Ya, that would go over real well. "I've just been busy." She tried again, lamely.

"Garrett said that you haven't applied for your old job back." That made Max wonder at what his daughter was doing with her life now.

"I'm glad Garrett has been keeping tabs on me." She hissed out, still not looking up from her plate. She didn't want to fight. This was her father and she had missed him. But it just seemed so hard to let him in on her new life. A life she spent seven years creating and perfecting only to have it end up in shambles. Starting over was hard and including him, after being away from him for so long, was even harder. "I'm sorry." She laid a hand on his sleeved arm. "I guess I'm still getting used to being back and having family around. Jebadiah, Mark's dad was great but he wasn't you." She said quietly.

Silence greeted him as he ate. Jordan appeared to be lost in thought and Eve was still talking to the little boy but in hushed whispered and an occasional giggle. 'So much like Jordan.' He thought to himself as he pushed his plate away and managed to pay both bills without Jordan even noticing until it was already done and over with. Even the walk that they had opted to take was met with silence. Eve was ahead of them slightly, playing with a rock she had found on the sidewalk along the way. "I didn't know what to think went you disappeared those seven years ago." He broke the silence. "I knew about the divorce and custody hearing but I didn't know..." He stopped and sighed.

"You didn't know what, Dad?" Jordan finally looked over at him, noticing that he really looked his age. Lines and wrinkles crisscrossed his once strong and handsome face. He walked with a slight limp and moved slower than she had ever remembered him moving. "You thought that I had offed myself, didn't you?" She asked in surprise.

Max stopped and stared at her. "Yes. Ok Jordan. I thought that you had gone off somewhere to..." He still couldn't say it. "You never talked about your problems. You'd show up crying and never said why. Then after you lost custody of Spencer...you never reacted. Never told me why you hadn't fought for that little boy. So when Garrett told me about finding the divorce papers signed and you nowhere to be found..." He shrugged and looked down at his feet as he began to move again.

She actually chuckled then. An actually good-hearted chuckle but didn't say anything for a few minutes. "I could have never done myself in, Dad. Not even if I had wanted to." She shook her head. "There had been a few times that I had thought about it but I couldn't. It would have caused those left behind more pain than if I had just left. Do you actually wanna know the whole truth about what happened then? About Spencer and the divorce?" She actually felt ready to talk. To get it all off her chest once and for all. Maybe then she could get past the pain she still felt.

"Of course I do, Jordan. I wish you would have told me back then. Maybe then I could have helped you." Max was a little surprised at hearing Jordan admit to thoughts of suicide. Things must have been worse than he suspected for her to actually consider taking her own life. More than once at that.

"Alright." They had arrived at his house so she sat down on the steps and smiled as Eve sat down beside her, still playing with the rock. She stroked her daughters long brown hair as she gathered her thoughts and courage. Taking a deep breath, she began. "I was the happiest person in the world when Garrett asked me out and even happier when he purposed. Things were great. Even after we got married, things were still great. Then we found out I was pregnant." She had sounded wistful in the beginning but by the end she sounded sad. "Things began to change then. Garrett became overly protective. He cut my work load almost down to nothing. NOTHING! So I went over his head and took cases from Bug and Nigel. They were swamped with work that I should have been helping with. I couldn't do that to them. So I started staying late with them, helping with the workload. Sharing it like it should've been. There was so many cases backlogged. So many autopsies that needed done that all three of us were working well into the early morning. It wouldn't have come to that if Garrett hadn't been acting like an ass." She shook her head. "He was angry when I'd finally get home. Some days he wouldn't say anything and other days he'd...he'd accuse me of having an affair. Can you believe that? I was pregnant with his kid and he had the balls to accuse me, more than once, of sleeping around. Those were the times I showed up at your door in tears." A dry chuckle followed. "I was a workaholic in his eyes and he never once stopped and considered why I was working so much. After Spencer was born...things went from bad to worse. I started to drink to escape his accusations and anger. I'd spend hours at the office and then head straight for the nearest bar. I wasn't alone. I never drank alone. Bug and/or Nigel was always with me. Nigel listened to my drunken rants. He was there for me when my own husband wasn't." She shrugged and fell silent.

Max listened to his daughters story with wide eyes. Garrett had...After everything...He shook his head. "Go on."

A rueful smile formed on her lips. "I think I could have been happy with Nigel if I hadn't been so emotionally distressed." She said out of the blue then continued. "It lasted eight months. The affair that is. For eight months I had someone who cared for me. Loved me for who and what I was. He didn't try to change me. Didn't try to take away my passion and enjoyment of life. He was just there."

"You had an affair? What were you thinking, Jordan? Is that why Garrett filed for custody of Spencer." Max was truly at a loss. He had so many questions.

"No, Garrett had already filed for full custody of Spencer a month before the affair started. On grounds that I was an unfit, alcoholic mother who neglected her own son. I don't think Garrett ever knew about Nigel. We were very close friends so hiding an affair wasn't difficult. I broke it off with Nigel the day I got the divorce papers. I told him that I had to leave. To get away. Garrett had already won custody of Spencer and was taking me to the cleaners in the divorce. Nigel understood. He was there when I signed the papers. He wished me luck with my new life and saw me off. I think I drank my way to Kentucky not like that was my original destination. I had no idea where I was going. All I knew was that I had to get away. I stopped off at every bar and tavern that I could find. And I stayed until they kicked me out. I would fall asleep in my car, wake up with a hangover and start all over again. I had nothing to lose. Who would have thought that I actually had something to gain?"

Silence. That's the only reply Max could give to that truthful confession. No wonder his daughter ran. She was an emotional wreck and literally watched her life fall apart before her eyes. Affairs, custody proceedings, divorce papers, it all had finally caught up with her and her safety guard kicked in. He could now understand why she disappeared. Why she wouldn't want to come back. It was painful for her. "Oh Jordan." He pulled her in to a loving embrace.

She left her father hold her and rock her. There was no tears. She had shed those tears long ago. Right now she bask in the feeling of being loved. "We should get going. I have to work early tomorrow and Eve has daycare." Jordan smiled as she pulled back and stood. Her smile got bigger when Eve kissed her grandfather on the cheek. "Bye grampa." She stated in such a sweet, innocent voice that it would have made a statue melt. Maybe Eve could make her way into Max's heart. She wasn't a little kid you could just ignore. And Jordan knew that her father was a big softy under his rough exterior. She'd just have to wait and see. Maybe there was a place for him within their lives.

"Bye Sweetheart. Bye Eve." He touched his cheek where the little girl kissed him and smiled. Maybe Jordan would be ok now. Maybe she was strong enough now to face her past. Max could only stand there and watch as they disappeared down the sidewalk.


	7. Chapter 7

'Damn nightmares.' Was the only thing Jordan could think as she, warily, made her way into the clinic. A hot cup of black coffee was tightly gripped in her hands and it was already half empty. She felt like shit. Her head was pounding and the four Advil she had taken before leaving the house wasn't helping at all. Eve had been up all night, again, with nightmares and Jordan had stayed up with her until she fell asleep. After that, she couldn't go back to sleep so here she was, running on a total of three hours of sleep and doing her hardest to put on a happy face. A sigh of relief escaped from her lips as she surveyed the waiting room. It was practically empty and a scan of the days roster confirmed that it was going to stay that way. "Morning, Ann." She said, feeling slightly better.

"Good morning, Doctor Kincade." Ann, the nurse on duty greeted her, cheerfully. Ann was well into her fifties but refused to retire. She loved working with kids. "How was your weekend?"

Jordan snorted as she finished her coffee and threw the cup into the garbage. "Eve is having nightmares again." She stated as she put her purse down inside the breakroom. She returned a few moments later with her ID card attached to her coat pocket. Her white doctors coat wasn't buttoned so the neon colors of the scrub shirt underneath could be seen. She scanned over the roster once again.

"Nightmares? Oh dear." Ann was the mother of three, grandmother of seven and great-grandmother of two so she knew how bad nightmares could be. "Is she ok?" She knew Jordan for almost two months now and she liked the young doctor. She was so full of life and her love of kids equaled her own. A motherly smile formed on her lips. "You didn't get that much sleep, did you?"

"That's an understatement. I just got home from working a shift down at the hospital. Someone called off in the pediatric ward and they needed me to fill in. Three hours of sleep later, Eve was sobbing and screaming at the top of her lungs for her father." Jordan shook her head. "This is the third time this week. I don't know what's causing it. But I finally got her to sleep then I couldn't go back to sleep so I've been up ever since. She's fine. I dropped her off at daycare on my way here." She moved away from the reception desk and down the hall towards her first patient.

Ann just watched as Jordan walked away. She couldn't help but feel sorry for the younger woman. Losing a husband was hard but to have him taken away so suddenly must be harder. Not to mention the fact that she was a single mother now, working full time. She turned back to the files and paper work in front of her.

Jordan smiled at the short, African American nurse when she passed her in the hall. "Anything I should know about this patient?" She waited patiently for an answer.

Tony's smile grew at seeing who she was working with. "Well, Doctor Kincade. How you've been, baby?" She was a pleasant woman. She was Jordan's age and a single mother of two. She was also one of Jordan's close friends. "No. His temp is a hundred and his blood pressure is normal. Watch out for the father, he's not in a very good mood." She mumbled as she walked down the hall and disappeared into the breakroom.

Jordan blinked. "Great." She mumbled. Fathers were a pain in the butt when it came to their kids being sick. And Tony never mentioned moods unless it was bad. Putting on her best face, she turned the knob and entered the room. "Hi, I'm Doctor Kincade and I'll be your doctor for this visit." She closed the door, only then realizing who she was treating. A soft groan exited her mouth before she stopped it. No wonder Tony noticed his bad mood. This was her job and her territory so this time she was in control of the situation. "Garrett, what seems to be the problem?"

Garrett was grumpy and he knew he had been rude to the nurse but he couldn't help it. Spencer had been sick, on and off, for almost two weeks now. He was hardly sleeping and the better part of his day was spent, holding the sick boy. Even at nine, Spencer was clingy. More so now that he had met his mother. On several occasions the boy had even asked for his mother. Begged for her until he'd drop off into an uneasy sleep. He was getting behind at work and Spencer was lagging behind in school. He just wanted the boy better so he didn't have to suffer anymore. When he heard the door knob turn, he twisted his mouth into a frown, ready to tear into the doctor that greeted him. Only the words died on his lips when he saw who it was. He had been expecting Doctor Conners or Doctor Sampson. Those were the ones that Spender usually saw. Instead he was face to face with the very woman that haunted his dreams ever since he found out she was back in Boston. "Jordan?" He seemed shocked. He knew that she hadn't applied for her old job back but figured she got one in a nearby city. This was...a surprise. "He's sick." He said, lamely.

"Really? Sick you say? I wouldn't have guessed that. This being a doctors office and all." She rolled her eyes and turned her attention to the patient. Spencer didn't look well. He was pale and his sandy brown hair was stuck to his forehead from sweat. He was visibly shaking and his brown eyes were dull and unfocused. She took a shaky breath and laid her hand on the boys forehead. It was hot but not extremely. She sat down on her high backed stool and glanced over the chart she had grabbed out of the door slot when she came in. She scanned over his files. He didn't have a history of illness and was never hospitalized. The only records in his chart were for colds and one or two cases of the flu. She moved her eyes from the chart to the boy. "How long has he been sick?" She kept her voice professional, like this was just another kid.

"Two weeks, on and off." Garrett's voice was soft. "It came on suddenly and when it seems like he's getting better...he just gets sick again."

Jordan raised an eyebrow. "Two weeks? My God Garrett. Have you taken him to a doctor before this?" Seeing him shake his head no only made her sigh in disgust. She stood and removed a swab from the cupboard above her head. She then swabbed the inside of Spenders mouth and put it in a sealed baggy. She moved to the door, opened it up and disappeared. When she returned, she looked livid. "Do you always gamble with your sons health?" She asked as she jotted down several things in the file.

"Gamble? What are you talking about? He usually gets better. I didn't think it would last this long or I would have taken him to the doctor. He isn't one to get sick. He never has." Garrett was getting over his shock at seeing Jordan as a doctor.

"That doesn't mean anything. Children are breeding grounds for germs and viruses. Especially little boys. They're more physical in their playing than girls so they're more at risk for illness. Even colds should be looked at by a doctor so it doesn't turn into something worse." She was in full doctor lecture mode. She laid the chart down on the edge of the table where Spencer was laying and pulled out her prescription pad from her pocket. She jotted down something, signed her name and handed it to him. "This is for an antibiotic. He appears to have an infection. I'll know more when the mouth swab comes back from the lab. Make sure he finishes all the pills as prescribed and the next time he gets sick, take him to the doctor. Don't wait around to see if he'll get better or if it will kill him!" She was about to leave but a soft voice stopped her.

"Mommy? Mommy will you hold me?" Spencer asked. He knew the voice from the other night. He knew that this was his mother and he wanted her to hold him. Hold him like she had done when he was little and he got sick. "Please?" He felt so weak and tired. It was taking all his energy just to keep his eyes open.

Jordan froze at hearing his words. She knew that she should walk out that door but something inside of her wouldn't let her move. She was froze in front of the table. Closing her eyes, she fought back the tears. When he was little, he had been sick once or twice and she would hold him until he'd fall asleep. He'd cry if Garrett tried to hold him so it was up to her in the end. Could she bare to let go this time? Would she want to let go? She moved over to the little boy and gathered him into her arms, cradling his fevered body to hers. He seemed to relax in her arms and soon he was asleep. Sniffling, she placed a kiss on his warm brow. "Where is your car?"

Garrett had also froze at his sons words then held his breath to see how Jordan would react. It was obviously that she wanted to leave but instead she gathered her son into her arms and held him. The moment was broken when he heard her speak. "My car? Out front. Why?"

"I'll carry him out for you. This is probably the most relaxed sleep he's gotten in two weeks. I don't want to wake him." Gathering her courage to face her co-workers, she marked out of the small exam room and down the hallway. She nodded to Ann when she passed and carried the boy outside. She waited until Garrett lead the way to his car where she then deposited the boy in the backseat. She was holding back tears now. It felt so right to hold him and the dull ache of seven years ago had returned. Instead of waiting for Garrett to say anything, she turned on her heels and entered the clinic once again. By the time she got inside, she was perfectly calm. Any trace of tears were gone. So continued with her examinations until closing time where she then picked up Eve from daycare and drove home. She listened to her daughter chatter away at how her day at been filled with finger painting and book reading. She made a quick supper then put Eve to bed. Only when she was sure that her daughter was asleep, did she let the tears fall. She collapsed on her cream colored sofa and sobbed. Finally, after seven years, she was able to mourn her loss. She was able to mourn the loss of her son and her marriage. She was able to let it all go. She fell asleep on the sofa and no nightmares woke her or Eve up. It was quiet in the Kincade household.

And somewhere from up above the sound of a sigh relief could, vaguely, be heard. Mark Kincade just hoped that his wife could now move on with her life. He had watched her, constantly since his death. He could tell that she hurt and it hurt him that he wasn't able to comfort her. He watched with a sense of helplessness as his daughter woke up screaming for him at night. He watched with despair as Jordan continued to sink into depression, hiding it from everyone around her like an old pro. He watched as his family finally confronted his death, head on. And what he observed wasn't good. Jordan was slowly falling apart and Eve could tell. He just hoped now, that she confronted her past, that she'd slowly begin to heal. If not...he could only dread what the future would bring for his wife and daughter.


	8. Chapter 8

Jordan sipped her cup of coffee, absentmindly, as she watched Eve play in the backyard with five year old twins, Cory and Christopher Lebowski. Lily and Bug's sons. She shook her head and brought her attention back to the woman sitting across from her at the kitchen table. "To say that I was surprised to see you at parents day, would be an understatement." She mumbled and took another sip before discarding the cup.

Lily smiled at Jordan and nodded. "Surprised _would_ be an understatement. I didn't even know you were in town and neither did Bug." A sly smile wormed its way onto her lips. "I'm a little jealous, though. I've never been able to make my husband faint before."

A chuckle escaped from Jordan's mouth and she smiled. "I still can't believe he did that. But it reminded me how much I missed everyone."

Her attention once again wondered to the caramel skinned children playing with her daughter. They were lighter than Bug but much darker than Lily. They had jet black hair and brown eyes. Their physical features were very much like their fathers but their smiles definitely came from Lily. As did their laid back, easy going personalities. "I bet they're a handful." She didn't look away this time.

"Yes, but not always. Chris gets into more trouble than Cory but Cory is usually the mastermind behind getting Chris in trouble. They have a lot of energy and rarely sleep more than six hours a night. Bug said something about being a little 'hellion' when he was little so I blame him." Lily was all smiles and couldn't wait to start questioning Jordan about her life away from Boston.

"Ah, I see. Well I would have my hair pulled out if Eve only slept six hours a night. Lucky for me that she's a sound sleeper. Once I get her to bed, she doesn't get up until I wake her up. Sometimes that is a task within itself. Mark needed two alarm clocks to get up for work so I guess I can blame as well." Jordan finally looked back to Lily and noticed the mischievous look in her eyes. 'Uh oh." Was all she could think as she prepared herself for questioning.

"Mark? Is that Eve's father?" She was careful to not say husband since she wasn't sure. She had noticed the rings that Jordan was wearing but you could never be too careful when it came to Jordan's personal life. Lily watched the emotions that crossed Jordan's face but stayed quiet.

"Yes." She said quietly and cleared her throat. "Mark was my husband and Eve's father. He died a year ago." She looked down at the rings and ran a finger over the diamond on the wedding ring. "He was a cop and died in the line of duty." She really didn't want to talk about her late husband and hoped Lily picked up on that. Ever since her breakdown, three months ago, she had tried to stay clear of subjects that made her uncomfortable. Mark was one of them. She didn't want a repeat of that night. She had cried all night about everything ranging from her son to Mark. In the morning she ended up calling off sick and keeping Eve home from daycare just to be close to her. She almost lost her job over it and she didn't want a repeat of that. Jordan was still a very private person but she had learned what to tell people to appease them.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Lily reached across the table and placed her hand on Jordan's. A sigh of comfort between friends. She changed the subject knowing how painful it would be for her to talk about Bug if anything happened to him and didn't want to make Jordan uncomfortable. "So what do you do now? You obviously didn't return to your old job or Bug would have said something."

"No. When I left Boston I wanted to become a different person. I still worked as a Medical Examiner during the day but at night I took classes to become a Pediatrician. I didn't do anything with my degree right away and I had only been practicing for six months when Mark was killed. Don't get me wrong, I still keep up to date on my M.E's licence and I'm certified to do that as well. I just needed to know that I could do something other than cutting up bodies if I had to. I wasn't first in my class but I graduated in the top five." She shrugged. "So when I moved back here, I took a job at one of Boston Generals clinics. It's close to where I live and pays well enough for me to maintain my was of life. And give Eve the best education. What about you? I know a M.E's salary doesn't pay enough to put two kids through Madison Heights Academy." Jordan began to relax. At first she wasn't sure how she'd react to being around her old friends but she had missed them. She knew that now. "And why do the kids have your last name?" She asked, offhandedly.

Lily was silent for a minute then smiled. "Cory and Christopher have their fathers name as well as mine. It's on the birth certificate but we figured that it would be easier for them to just go by my last name until they got out of school or until they were old enough to deal with it's length and pronunciation. Then they can decide which name they want." She shrugged a little. "It was Bug's idea, really. He wanted to follow traditions but he and his parents had a falling out when he told them he was marrying me. So he settled on average first names and my last name. I think it was a bit of rebellion on his part. Going against his parents for the first time in his life. I'm just sad that they won't ever know their grandsons." She glanced out the window and smiled before continuing. "Bug works part time at the M.E's office and part time with a research company that uses bugs extensively in their studies. It pays well enough that I'm able to stay at home with the boys and afford to send them to Madison Heights Academy. That was another one of Bugs ideas. He wanted his boys to have the best American education that money could buy and who was I to argue?" She smiled. "Look at them playing. You would think that they were raised together. Cory and Chris are usually shy around girls but they seem to like Eve."

Jordan followed Lily's gaze and nodded. "Mark had two brothers and a sister all with kids. They all lived close by so Eve grew up around children of all ages. But James had a son born a few days after Eve. Tanner was Eve's favorite cousin. I think they bonded the first time they saw each other. Tanner was a complicated birth so he wasn't released from the hospital for a week while doctors ran tests and monitored his condition. James brought him over to the house to meet us. It was the cutest thing. I swear that Eve and Tanner reached out to each other and held onto each others hand for dear life. I have pictures somewhere of it." She smiled. "Ever since, Eve's been able to tame the wildest of little boys."

"James? Your brother James?" Lily raised an eye brow. "The brother that is dead?" She was sure that the last she heard of Jordan's brother was that he had jumped out a window and into the river. No body had ever been found but he was presumed dead and the case against him closed.

"The one and only." Jordan said, sarcastically, getting protective of her brother. "He survived the fall. What can I say, he's a survivor like me. It would take more than a fall out of a window into a river to get rid of my brother. I can't say that I was surprised when he showed up on our doorstep one day. Sure, I was shocked but Mark welcomed him with open arms so I did too. He stayed, began a new life like me. He met Fiona, Tanner's mother, at the local grocery store and they hit it off. Three months later they were married and ecstatic about having a baby." She grew quiet again and watched her daughter play with the boys. "Fiona ran out on James. She started having an affair with a truck driver during the last month of her pregnancy. That's why the birth was complicated. She had some kind of STD from the trucker. Luckily, it wasn't passed to Tanner. She stuck around for the first six months then split with Earl, the truck driver, when she found out that she was pregnant again but not to my brother. Broke his heart but he was a good father. He still is. Tanner is growing up with a great role model. I know James has a dark past but I can't fault him for something that I share with him. Like brother, like sister. We both turned out ok, despite what our pasts were like."

"Wow. Sounds like you two bonded as well." She raised an eyebrow. "Must be hard being a single parent but being a single father must be harder." Lily noticed Jordan nodding in agreement to her statement and smiled. "I'm sorry Bug couldn't be here. He had been looking forward to this since we made the plans two weeks ago. But Garrett called him since things were backed up. Let's just say that he didn't go quietly and the boys will probably be spouting out some words that I'll have to wash Bugs mouth out, with soap, for."

"Ya. I was looking forward to seeing him too. But no worries. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon so tell him that he owes me dinner and coffee. Now we should really be going." Jordan stood and smiled as Lily called the children inside. She picked Eve up and ruffled Cory and Chris's hair before heading towards the door. She stopped and turned back to the family. "Eve just informed me that she wants all of you to come to her birthday party next week. Apparently, your boys have made a impression upon her. I'll call you with the details." She opened the door and left while listening to the sounds of two excited little boys begging their mother to let them go to the birthday party. She chuckled as she buckled Eve in and the smile never faded from her face as she drove home.


	9. Chapter 9

Jordan sat on the silver wire back chair and watched the crowd. Family and friends, old and new, dotted the spacious Madison Heights Country Club. It was Eve's fourth birthday party and Jordan went all out. Sparing no expense on her daughter. She quickly stood as a older, good looking man headed her way. A giant smile formed on her face as she embraced him. "Howdy Jeb." She whispered into his ear and gave him a kiss on the cheek before pulling out of the embrace.

Jebadiah Kincade couldn't wait to see his daughter-in-law again so he searched through the crowd and as soon as he spotted her, sitting alone, he headed her way. Leaving his son, Franklin, in the dust. It felt good to see her again and soon he had a smile to match hers. He held he at arms length and took in her appearance. 'She looks healthier than when she left.' He noted to himself. "Howdy yourself, little lady." He leaned down and kissed her cheek in return. "How has my girls been?"

She raised a eyebrow when she noticed that he was checking her out. A chuckle escaped from her lips. "We've been good. I just can't believe that it's been seven months since I've last seen you. You haven't changed a bit."

He ran his hand through his all white hair and gave her a sheepish smile. "Oh hell, Jo. You have. Look at you." He stepped back from her to emphasize his point. "I haven't seen you look this healthy since...hell...since the first time my boy introduced us. That was a lot of years ago, Jo."

She actually felt herself blush at the comment and she laid her hand on his arm, giving it a little squeeze. "I think Boston has been good for me. Not that I don't miss Louisville. I just think I needed to get away but I do miss everyone. I miss them a lot." She pulled her eyes away from her father-in-law to scan the crowd. "Is Frankie, Davy and Tory here?" She brought her eyes back to Jeb.

"Franklin is here, I rode with him and Georgia. I love my grandchildren but fifteen hours in a car with them...Lets just say I was glad when we got here. And I know for a fact that David and Victoria are coming. They wouldn't miss this."

Jordan couldn't but laugh. "Fifteen hours stuck in a car with Savannah and George. I feel for you, Jeb. I really do." She winked at him and waved to Franklin who was making his way towards them along with wife Georgia and teenagers Savannah and George. She loved all her nephews and nieces but Savannah and George were the oldest of them all and very moody. George, who was named after his mother, was the oldest being thirteen and Savannah was a year younger. They both fought constantly and weren't quiet about it. "I'm glad you could make it." She embraced Franklin and Georgia and gave the two teenagers smiles. "I'm sorry to cut out on you but I've been neglecting my duties as hostess this evening. It's good seeing all of you again. Please, enjoy yourselves." She walked away from the group and towards the doors where she slipped out to get some air.

Jeb smiled at Jordan, understanding, and turned to his two oldest grandkids. "Let go find the birthday girl, ok rascals?" He lead them away from their grateful parents who both slumped into nearby chairs.

She took in several giant mouthfuls of the fresh, warm summer air once she got outside. Jordan wasn't sure why she excused herself so suddenly but it felt good to be away from the people. Maybe she had forgotten had big her family really was. She was looking at the ground lost in through before her gaze shifted to another pair of feet that had appeared beside her. Raising her head, she was greeted by the smiling face of Victoria 'Tory' Kincade-Johanson. "Hey!" She could lose herself in Tory's eyes. They were identical to Mark's. Tory was practically identical to Mark. She was a year younger than Mark and the baby of the family but she could, easily, pass as Mark's twin. "Your dad and Franklin are inside. Where's Greg and the kids?" She just noticed that Tory was alone.

"Hey Jo." Victoria voice was soft and barely held any of her southern accent since she had gone to school out of state for a good part of her life, only moving back to Louisville shortly after Jordan and Mark got married. "Greg is inside with the kids. I thought I'd stay out here and keep my favorite sister company." She raised a eyebrow.

It always amazed Jordan how quickly Tory accepted her into the family. Even when her and Mark were dating, Tory took to addressing Jordan as her sister. She never added the in-law at the end. "Thanks." She looked up at the flawless, blue sky and sighed. She knew that Tory was waiting for her to explain why she was outside instead of inside. "It's good to see you all but...just being around Jeb again...It made me miss it. Made me miss Mark." She frowned and looked down at her simple blue blouse and brushed off an imaginary piece of lint.

"It's ok to miss my brother, Jo. And it's ok to miss your life. I couldn't believe it when daddy told me you were moving back here. It surprised me that you'd want to after everything you went through here. But I guess it done did you good." She teased. "You look good, Jo. I was worried about you but I see that you've done alright for yourself." Tory smiled and gave Jordan's shoulder a squeeze. "You should come inside. I know Greg is ecstatic about seeing you again and so are the kids."

"Your husband is ecstatic to see me again because I'm the only woman he knows that knows more about sports than him." Jordan smirked and shook her head. "I know it's ok to miss, Mark. But it's different here...People here didn't know him so they don't know how to react when I talk about him." She eyed the etched glass doors for a moment then looked back to Tory. "Are you sure Greg can handle Carmine and Terrence? If I remember correctly, the last time he was put in charge of the twins...it ended with the fire department being called." Carmine and Terrence are seven year old twins and next to the youngest Kincade grandchild. Eve being the youngest.

"Doesn't Boston have a fire department?" She snickered and shook her head. "Your right. He's still awkward around them and they ain't even babies anymore. So I should get in there and make sure they don't burn the place down." She said the last part just as she disappeared inside.

Jordan smiled and run a hand through her hair. It was shorter than she was used to but it was easier to maintain since she didn't really have a lot of time to be messing around with her hair these days. Between work and Eve, she barely had any time for herself. She shielded her eyes from the sun and smiled as a younger version of Jeb was making his way across the parking lot with a little girl in tow. This was David 'Davy' Kincade and the little girl was his daughter, nine year old Leanna. Davy was the quietest of Mark's siblings and the only one not married. He was a widower in fact. His wife had been killed when a drunk driver hit her car, head on. Leanna was only five at the time and Davy never remarried. The situation surrounding his wifes death also made him hesitant around Jordan since Mark had been very vocal on how they had met. She nodded in greeting as they walked passed her and inside. She didn't even notice the other two crossing the parking lot since her attention was focused on the doors once again.

"Aunt Jo! Aunt Jo!" Three year old, soon to be four year old, Tanner wiggled out of his fathers grasp and launched himself across the parking lot and into a surprised Jordan's arms. "Hi Aunt Jo!" He said, excitedly and latched onto her neck, giving her a big hug.

James shook his head. "Easy Tanner." He laughed and also gave his sister a hug. "I missed you." He kissed the top of her head. "I like the hair cut."

Jordan blinked as she suddenly was holding a little ball of energy by the name of Tanner. "Hey kido." She hugged both her brother and nephew back. "I missed you too, James. Eve will be thrilled to see you Tanner." She turned her attention back to the little boy in her arms. She lead them inside to join the party.

**Three hours later**

Eve was sitting in the middle of a mountain of gifts ranging from clothes to toys. Tanner was sitting beside her, helping to open her gifts and posing for the many cameras that were snapping pictures. Besides the Kincade clan and James there was others in attendance.

Max was sitting off to the side watching Eve open her presents and throwing questioning glances at James.

Ann and Tony from the clinic were gushing over at pretty Eve looked in her blue, satin dress that Jordan had dressed her in.

Lily, Bug, Chris and Cory were sitting at the table with Max, enjoying themselves.

Garrett was sitting in the back with Spencer. Jordan invited them at the urging of her father. And had yet to engage them in conversation.

Nigel was at the center of about fifteen under five year olds who found him interestingly funny. He didn't seem to mind and only threw smiles at Jordan when he could catch her eye.

There were other adults scattered around the room who were parents of Eve's friends or colleagues of Jordan's from the hospital or clinic.

By the time the party had ended and everyone had left, Jordan was exhausted and Eve was asleep before they even got home. She left the gifts in the car and just focused on getting them both to bed.

She had spoke to Garrett at the party and promised to take Spencer to the park on one of her free days. She was trying to mend her relationship with the boy but she was discovering how much she didn't know about her own son. And it hurt.

**One month later**

Garrett had asked her out several times but she was hesitant to accept and always ended up turning him down. She wasn't sure if she wanted to get involved with him and risk repeating the past.

Nigel spent a large amount of his free time with Jordan and Eve. They had gone out on a few occasions but mostly they just stayed in and Nige got to know Eve. Jordan knew she could be happy with Nigel but their relationship was based solely on friendship at this point in time. But the future looked good for romance if she decided that she wanted a future with him. He was more than willing but he wasn't going to push her.

Also that she had been back, she had run into Dr. Lisa Fromer. They were very close friends now and Jordan ate lunch with her every day. It just so happened that the clinic Jordan worked at was just across the street from the studio where Lisa recorded her radio program. They ran into each other, by accident, in the local café that Jordan ate lunch at. They got to talking and they decided that they enjoyed each others company so they met everyday for lunch. They talked about their lives, current events and anything else on their minds. But this time, Jordan didn't care what other people thought. She was comfortable with Lisa being a well known lesbian and even laughed when the tabloids published pictures of them together. It was all really silly to her.


	10. Chapter 10

Jordan frowned at the clock when her doorbell rang. "Don't move Eve" She said to her daughter when the little girl showed signs of moving for the door to see who it was. "You stay here. I'm gonna go see who it is." She moved out of the kitchen where she was cleaning up the plates from dinner and towards the door and flipped on the porch light. She looked through the window and smiled. It was Nigel. She pulled open the door, "Hi Nige. What's up?"

"Does a guy need a reason to see his special girls, love? I stopped by the bar first but your father told me you were at home. So here I am." Nigel gazed at Jordan with a mixture of amusement and love.

"Ya, I just wanted to stay home tonight and relax. Ever since Eve's birthday party, people are constantly inviting us to do things. It's wearing me out." She then smiled sheepishly having forgot to invite him in. "Come on in, Nige." She gave him a quick peak in the lips and moved aside to let him in. "Eve, Uncle Nige is here." She called out as soon as she shut the door.

Four year old Eve ran in a few seconds later. "Unca Nige!" Eve shrieked throwing herself at him. Eve worshiped Nigel. He was funny and always played with her. Sometimes he even reminded her of her daddy but she would never tell anyone that. She missed her daddy and Nigel seemed to make the ache go away.

Jordan smiled as she went back to the kitchen and left Nigel and Eve play. He was good influence on Eve and loved the little girl as if she was his own daughter. He's been around more the last few months since Eve's birthday party. So had Garrett and Bug for that matter. She put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and wiped down the counter. She was about to turn off the light and go into the living room when Nigel entered.

"I sent the little nipper off to bed," Nigel said as he sat down at the kitchen table.

"Thanks," Jordan smiled. She was amazed at how easily Nigel handed Eve. It took her hours to get her little girl into bed but with Nigel, it only took a few minutes. She shook her head and poured two cups of coffee and carried them to the table. She sat one in front of Nigel and took the other cup for herself. She held it in her hands as she sat down and sipped it.

"You doing anything after work tomorrow?" Nigel gave her a grateful smile and sipped his own coffee, made just how he liked it. Black.

"Sadly, yes.," Jordan nodded. Then there was silence. It grew till Jordan couldn't take it anymore. "Garrett asked me to dinner and I accepted." She frowned.

Nigel raised an eyebrow in question. "I see. Should I be worried about you two, love?" His question was spoke in an amused tone.

She rolled her eyes and smirked. "Oh, I don't know Nige. Maybe I have a thing for my _ex_- husband." Jordan emphasized _ex_ to make her point.

"Don't play coy with me." Nigel protested with a grin. He took another sip of coffee.

"Coy?" Jordan teased with a smirk. "I'm not being coy. If I was...you'd know it."

"You're right, love." Nigel admitted. "So how did Mr. Moody get the honor of spending Friday night with you?" He questioned.

"Long story, Nige." Jordan murmured as they abandoned their coffee and went into the living room. They sat on the couch, making themselves comfy. Jordan snuggled against Nigel's side and grinned when his arm wrapped around her and pulled her closer.

"I have time, love." Nigel mumbled as he pulled her closer to him. He could truly say that he was happy now. After Jordan left, he kinda deflated. His chipper personality faded into one that people could barely stand to be around. But now he was back to his old self and loving it.

"Garret called me yesterday, at work, to ask if I wanted to have dinner. When I said no, he showed up at work and insisted on taking me to lunch. I couldn't say no since the entire clinic heard his offer. So we to Mel's Café down the street and I had lunch with him. When he dropped me off at the clinic afterwards..." Jordan took a deep breath and frowned. "He said that we needed to talk and invited me to dinner. I relented and said yes."

Nigel smiled. "The fearless leader of the Boston M.E.'s worries for you." He stated and tightened his arms around her slightly. "But I agree with him, Jordan. You two do need to talk."

"I know but that doesn't mean that I gotta like it." Jordan smiled. "But I was looking forward to spending the entire weekend with Eve." She took his hand on hers and intertwined their fingers. "I have to find a sitter now. Who am I going to find on such short notice?"

Nigel smiled too. I had been a rough year for Jordan. With her dealing with her husbands death, moving back and getting into the swing of things again. But he was beginning to see some of that Cavanaugh spark return to Jordan's eyes and for that he was glad. "Well, since my girlfriend has other plans for tomorrow night, I'm free. I'll watch Eve for you." He kissed her hair.

She slapped his arm, playfully, with the hand that wasn't intertwined with his. "I would rather spend Friday night with you, Nige. Trust me when I say that. We'll spend the weekend together, ok?" Jordan looked at him slyly. "Come on then. Enough talk about Garrett." She slide out of his arms and stood, tugging on his hand. "I'm tired and I want to go to bed."

"Then I should be going, love." Nigel eyed her, suspiciously since she didn't let go of his hand as she walked towards the bedroom.

"Nope. You're not getting off that easily. _We're_ going to bed. You and me. I'm not sleeping alone." Jordan's voice was firm and left no room to argue. She knew that he was taking it slow on her behalf but she loved him. They had only slept together once in their four month relationship. But Nigel spent so much time with her and Eve that he practically lived at her house so they shared a bed more often than not. And when he wasn't there, Jordan had nightmares. Eve had gotten over them but now Jordan was having them. She'd wake up in a cold sweat and then not be able to go back to sleep. Her work suffered then and she couldn't risk losing her job. So tonight she wasn't sleeping alone. "Just sleep, Nige. I don't want to be alone...please." Her voice was just above a whisper and pleading.

"Alright, love. I'll stay." Nigel gave her a quick kiss and then slipped into the adjoining bathroom to change into a pair of sweat pants and plain white t-shirt that he kept there to sleep in. When he emerged from the bathroom, Jordan was already dressed for bed, a pair of blue shorts and one of his faded band t-shirts that he had left there one night made up the outfit, and already in bed. He climbed under the covers beside her after taking off his many spiked bracelets so they didn't scratch her during the night He pulled her into his arms and left her get comfortable beside him before reaching over and turning off the bedside lamp that sat on his side. "Night Jordan." He kissed her forehead and let the darkness of sleep claim him.

"Night Nige." Jordan mumbled as she snuggled against his warm body and joined him in slumber. No nightmares would plague her as long as Nigel was with her, that she was sure of. Now all she had to do was get it through Garrett's head that she did care for him but could never trust him enough to be in a romantic relationship with him. She shifted beside Nigel and smiled in her sleep as she felt his arm snake around her waist and felt his body spooning against hers. She loved Nigel but she needed a little more time before she was ready to take that step. The step of committing herself fully to someone other than Mark. This step terrified her. That's why she was taking her time. She didn't want to mess things up with Nigel.


	11. Chapter 11

For once in her life, Jordan had been dreading getting off work and it seemed like three o'clock rolled around all too soon for her. She even spent a few extra minutes at the clinic talking to Ann and Tony as they gathered their things to leave. She even walked with them to their cars and then grudgingly walked to her own. Nigel had agreed to pick Eve up, over breakfast, from daycare since he it had been a slow week and it was able to duck out early. She was doing everything in her power to ward off the coming evening when she and Garrett would be sharing dinner. The idea left a bitter taste in her mouth but all thoughts of Garrett was pushed from her head when she arrived home to find Nigel and Eve watching cartoons in the living room. Both seemed to enjoy the yellow sponge on the screen and were oblivious to her arrival. "I see that my daughter is going to be in very capable hands this evening." She raised an eyebrow as Nigel and Eve both startled.

Nigel grinned at seeing Jordan standing in the doorway. "How was work, love?" He questioned as he stood and crossed the distance between them, taking her in his arms and giving her a feather light kiss on her lips. He removed her black leather jacket and left to hang it in the closet nearest to the front door.

"Work was great." Jordan mumbled as she sat down on the couch where he had been sitting. "Don't I get a kiss, angel?" She asked her daughter.

A sheepish smile formed on Eve's lips as she eyed her mother out of the corner of her eye. "Yes mommy." She flung herself into her mothers waiting arms and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Cartoons now?" She questioned with the childish innocence that she possessed.

"Ya baby. Go back to watching your cartoons." She placed a kiss on Eve's forehead before letting her slide back to the couch cushions. Jordan glanced up when Nigel appeared again from hanging up her jacket.

He smiled at her and sat on the edge of the couch where he was able to reach her shoulders. He proceeded to give her a massage. "You look tired, Jordan. Are you sure you're up to having your little rendezvous with Garrett tonight?" Nigel wasn't a jealous man but tonight he felt a little edgy. Especially now that he saw that Jordan looked tired and not up for a night alone with her overbearing ex-husband.

"Mm." She mumbled as he rubbed her aching shoulders. Jordan knew that Nigel was only looking out for her well being and even considered cancelling her dinner with Garrett but decided against it. "No. I'm not up for it but I have to go. We do need to talk and get some things straightened out. Besides, if I cancel on him...how's that going to look?" She raised an eyebrow, challengingly, and looked up at him.

Nigel chuckled and leaned down, kissing the corner of her very kissable mouth. "It might look like you'd rather spend time at home, relaxing, with your lovely daughter and very handsome boyfriend." He also raised his eye brow having met her silent challenge.

"I'd rather be doing that." She glanced over at Eve who was glued to the tv. "Eve, sweety. Uncle Nigel is going to watch you while mommy is out, ok?" She just blinked at the silent nod she got from the little girl. "She's picking up your bad habits, Nige." She whispered to the man sitting on the arm of the couch.

Grinning, Nigel crossed the room and flopped down in a chair that sat across from the couch. "Don't go blaming me, love. You're the one that keeps inviting me back." His eyes wondered back to the tv.

All three of them sat there in complete, yet comfortable, silence. Nigel and Eve were absorbed in the different cartoons that were playing across the screen and Jordan was lost in thought. When she looked at her watch again, it was almost time for Garrett to pick her up. Sighing she stood, stretching her tired muscles and joints. "I'm going to get ready." She left the living room and padded down the hallway to her bedroom. The closet door was already open since she left it that way when she left for work that morning. She didn't have much in the way of formal wear since she rarely attended anything that would exclude her daughter. And anything that required formal clothes usually didn't include children. She reached out and fingered the fabric of one of Nigel's jumpers. It was soft against her fingers and that made her smile. Nigel had little bits and pieces of himself around the penthouse. He had his own drawer and ever space in her closet were he hung his more expensive jumpers that he didn't want to get wrinkled. Shaking her head, she moved the jumpers to the side so that she could get to her 'forgotten' clothes that hung in the back. Moments later she had picked out a knee length black dress with spaghetti straps and a reasonable neckline. She stepped into the shower, thinking about the night ahead, and wondering how big of a headache she was in for.

Nigel yawned and smiled at Eve who was watching him with her crystal blue eyes. It was frightening how much intellect shone behind such young eyes. "Cartoons boring you?" He asked softly.

Eve looked to the soft where her mother had sat then back to Nigel. "Unca Nige, where's mommy going tonight?" She questioned with a firm voice that almost sounded like her mothers.

Blinking, Nigel tilted his head to the side. He chuckled to himself at the tone of her voice but stayed quiet. "Your mum is going out with a...friend tonight, Eve." He really didn't know how to refer to Garrett. But friend sounded the safest.

"But you mommy's friend." Eve sounded confused now then dropped her eyes to her small hands. "Mommy stay home tonight with Eve and Unca Nige." Her bottom lip was beginning to tremble.

"Hey now. No tears." He moved out of the chair and took a seat beside the little girl, gathering her into his arms. "This is very important to your mum, ok? She'll be back later and then we can spend the entire weekend together!" He tried to make his voice sound enthusiastic but he felt the same way. He wanted Jordan to stay home too. Instead of voicing his agreement with Eve, he just held the little girl for a minute then kissed her forehead. "Well have a good time, I promise."

Eve sniffled but didn't let the tears fall. She hugged her 'Unca Nige' back and gave him a shy smile when he kissed her forehead. "Ok." She turned her attention back to the cartoons on the tv as if nothing had happened.

Nigel just shook his head in amazement. Eve was most definitely Jordan's daughter. Sometimes they acted so similar that it was scary. He released Eve and let her settle back into her place on the couch. He then let his own eyes drift back to the tv.

Half an hour later, Jordan heard her doorbell while she stood at the mirror checking herself out. Nodding approval at what she saw, she crossed the living room, saying a silent thank you to Nigel for not answering the door, and opened the door.

Garrett stood there, speechless for a few moments. His large brown eyes took in the sight of her and what he saw started his blood to boiling. He smiled that lovely crooked smile that she used to loved. "Damn." He said. "You look great!"

Jordan took in his dark brown jacket, tan pants and light brown sweater. "You look pretty good yourself." She commented, politely. She took a step forward but stopped seeing his confused look.

"Whoa, there." Garrett muttered "Jordan, it's kinda chilly outside. Aren't you going to take a coat or at least a jacket?" He heard the tv on in the living room and was curious to see who was watching Eve. He had assumed that Max would be doing it but when he dropped Spencer off, Max was alone. And surely Jordan wasn't leaving her four year old daughter alone by herself.

"Ya. Sorry." She went into the living room to get her purse and to give Nigel and Eve a kiss goodbye. She then joined him at the door after removing a long formal coat from the closet by the door. "Bye Eve." She called out as she shut the door. She was careful not to mention Nigel's name. No one knew they were dating yet and that's the way they wanted it for now. She offered him a polite smile.

Garret smiled back, taking her arm and leading her to his car.

Twenty minutes later they were sitting at a table in Capo's, a very nice restaurant, with a live jazz band. Garret had ordered for her and been such old-fashioned that Jordan had to smile. It was his way of telling her that he didn't want to fight tonight and she was enjoying the peace between them. They talked as they ate, falling into easy conversation like old times. Jordan felt reassured that he wasn't going to act like an ass and even started to relax. Finally, the band signaled they were going to play some slow numbers so everyone could dance. Garret stood up and offered his hand to Jordan. She smiled almost shyly and let him lead her to the dance floor.

Garret quickly looked around the dance floor. There were quite a few other couples, but Jordan was definitely the most beautiful woman there. For a moment, he felt like they were married again and enjoying a night out on the town. He felt his muscles stiff at the stray thought.

Jordan felt Garrett go from relaxed to stiff. That made her put up her guards knowing that something was bothering him. She was now worrying that she shouldn't be dancing with him. Maybe it was too much too soon. They were barely talking to each other and hadn't even established a working friendship yet. "What's the matter?" She whispered so that the other couples on the dance floor wouldn't hear her.

"Just not believing that a woman as beautiful as you would want to dance with someone like me." Garrett mumbled into her hair.

Jordan drew back a little at his words. "Why not?" She questioned for the hell of it. But her mind was screaming for her to stop and get out of there.

"Well...forget it. Just the musings of a old man." Garrett said with a grin.

Jordan rolled her eyes. "You're _not_ that old." She mumbled suddenly feeling uncomfortable with the topic of conversation and the way it was going. "Maybe we should sit down and talk now. That is the whole reason for dinner, right?" She was suddenly suspicious of his motives.

He stopped moving and looked at her. He knew that he had scared her since she was looking at him with guarded eyes. He couldn't read her emotions now like he could earlier, when they were eating. "Ya." Garrett mumbled as he let her back to the table and sat opposite of her. He ordered two coffee's with cream from the waiter only to be corrected by Jordan who wanted her coffee black. "Since when do you drink straight black coffee?" He questioned.

She shrugged and looked down at the white table cloth. "I just like my coffee black." Was her reply when she finally offered it. "So...you want to know why I left right? Why I just signed the divorce papers and disappeared?" Jordan wanted to have this conversation so they could leave.

Garrett knew that they were down to business now and the fun was over. "Ya. That is one of the things I want to know. The other is why you never attempted to fight me in court for Spencer." His voice was quiet since he didn't want any of the other people around them to hear the conversation.

Jordan snorted and traced the delicate pattern that was etched in the table cloth with her finger. She knew that she needed to tell him the truth. "I left because I didn't feel that there was anything left for me in Boston. I needed a new start. A new life where I could start from scratch." She swallowed and took a sip of the coffee that was just sat in front of her. "I was happy with you, Garrett. I loved you. I was ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant. I just never thought that you of all people would act like such an ass about it." She saw him ready to protest and held up a hand to silence him. "Let me finish. This is a conversation that is over due but you must let me speak without interruption." She surprised herself at how mature she sounded and how steady and strong her voice was. "You dumped my work load on Bug and Nigel." She whispered. "That wasn't fair to them so I stayed late to help them. I may have been pregnant but I wasn't incapable of doing my job. I think our marriage ended the first time you accused me of sleeping around and never left me explain. I stayed with you in hopes that it would get better once the baby was born but it didn't. It continued to dump my work load on Bug and Nigel and I continued to stay late and help them. They were my friends and I wasn't about to have them bitter at me for something you were doing." She took another sip of the deep, rich, liquid in her cup.

Garrett stayed quiet and respected her request. He wanted to put his two cents in but knew better.

"I loved Spencer but I was an alcoholic. I admit that I turned to alcohol to escape your unjust accusations. And I was a workaholic because there was so many backlogged cases at the morgue that it required all three of us to stay long hours to get caught up. That's why I never fought you for him. I knew your claims were against me were real and I didn't have a chance." Jordan took a deep breath and swallowed. "I did have an affair, Garrett. But not when you suspected. Our marriage was dead and buried. And I loved him. He made me feel good about myself. He listened when I talked. Made me laugh and held me when I cried. Everything you stopped doing." Again, she sipped at her coffee. "I know you didn't ask me out just to talk about our past and I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea by accepting. I care for you Garrett and I think I always will. We created a beautiful child together and that's something I can't forget, even though I tried. But I don't love you. You hurt me too bad for that. I can't take the chance that you'd do it again. That you'd put me through all that pain and hurt a second time. I'm sorry."

Now he was quiet because he was in shock and numb. Here was the answers he had been waiting for but now he had wished he never heard them. She did have an affair but only after their marriage had completely failed. It hurt him to know that she loved the guy. What hurt even more was hearing that he didn't have a chance with her again. He had hoped to have his family back together but now it was never going to happen. All Garrett could do was sigh in defeat. He wanted to be angry at her. He wanted to yell and make a scene that would embarrass her but he couldn't because he knew that everything she was saying was true. He's the one that ruined their marriage but being overly protective. He hadn't even thought about the workload he had left Nigel and Bug with. It never crossed his mind that Jordan would be staying late at the office to help with work that should have been shared by her in the first place. That was the problem. He didn't think. He took a sip of the almost cold coffee in front of him. "I want you to be apart of Spencer's life now. I took that away from you because of selfish reasons and I want to make it right. I made our son suffer without a mother because I thought it would force things to go back to the way they were. I thought I was out of options and there was one staring me right in the face. I should have talked to you and listened. I'm sorry as well." He stood and watched her, awkwardly.

"Is the date over?" She asked with a hint of sarcasm inching it's way into her voice. Garret took her arm and steered her toward the waiter who took his credit card to pay for the dinner. Seconds later they were back in Garret's car, heading for her house. She looked over at him from the passenger seat. "I'm sorry this evening didn't turn out how you had hoped." She said quietly when they pulled up to her penthouse. "I just hope we can be friends, for Spencer's sake." Jordan slid out of the car and watched as he drove down the street. When his break lights faded into the night, she turned to go in. She was greeted at the door by a smiling Nigel who gave her a peak on the lips. "Where's Eve?"

Nigel was watching from the front window when he heard a car pull up. And greeted her at the door before she even had time to look for her key. He was so thrilled to see her that he had to kiss her and he did. "Eve is in bed, love. I'm afraid Uncle Nigel tired the little bugger out." He grinned. "So, how was your date with the charming Doctor Macy?" He questioned with nothing but amusement in his voice. He moved out of the doorway so she could enter.

"Boring." She answered, truthfully. "I would have rather stayed at him with my lovely daughter and very handsome boyfriend." Jordan quoted him from earlier. "But I think we got things straightened out now. He got the answers he wanted. I'm not sure he liked what he heard but at least I can breath easier now. I did my part. I explained myself, honestly, and he seemed to understand." She stopped talking and stepped inside, hanging up her coat in the process. "Let's go to bed." She whispered as she walked towards her bedroom knowing that he was falling after her. Once inside she stripped off her formal wear and changed into her usual pajamas.

Nigel followed her into the bedroom and smiled. While she changed, he also changed. Once they were ready for bed, he pulled the covers down and slid in.

Jordan followed him into bed where she pulled the covers up and over them. She snuggled against side and breathed in his scent. He smelled like herbal tea. Chewing on her bottom lip, she began to speak. "Nige, can I tell you something?" She whispered.

He clicked off the lamp and got comfortable after she did. He buried his head in her hair and took a deep breath. She smelled like jasmine. "Sure, love." Nigel whispered back.

"I love you." Came Jordan's sleepy reply followed by her soft breathing.

Nigel's smiled and pulled his face from her hair. He traced her face with his finger tips and kissed the end of her nose. "I love you too." He settled himself back against the pillow and soon his breathing matched her. Sleep had claimed them both.


	12. Chapter 12

Nigel sat, motionless at his desk in front of the computer screen, like he did everyday at work. Waiting patiently for test results to be finished, emails to be returned...scans and blood work to be analyzed. It was the same thing. Every day. People never stopped dying in the city of Boston, and he would have tests to run until they did. Sure, the days did have high points. They consisted of him spending the evenings and nights with Jordan and Eve. But there was no high point today. There was nothing to be analyzed. No body to autopsy. Today he was at his desk long after everyone had gone home. The clock on the computer read, eleven forty-three at night. Instead of being at home with Jordan and Eve he was at the office thinking about how, just that morning, he had ruined everything. The sad thing being that he hadn't realized the severity of what he did until it was too late.

**Flashback to Morning**

Nigel was always the first person up in the morning so after he showered and changed for work, he busied himself with preparing breakfast. Usually it was just eggs and toast but today he made Eve's favorite, French toast. He was in a good mood and his smile was so big and bright that it could have lit the darkest of places. Being a bachelor most of his life made him a pretty good cook. He set the table and set the plateful of french toast in the middle along with the syrup. His eyes were drawn to the bedroom where he heard movement. Jordan was obviously up. Instead of going in there he padded to Eve's room where the little girl was still sleeping. "Time to get up, little one." He whispered as he kneeled beside her toddler bed. When she didn't budge, he pulled the covered down to her feet.

Eve didn't want to get up. She wasn't a morning person so when she heard someone enter her room, she just snuggled deeper under her pink Barbie comforter. Then she heard a voice. It wasn't her mother so she cracked an eye open slightly just in time to have her warm covers yanked to her feet. She shivered as her small, pink, pajama clad body was exposed to the chilly room. "Go away, daddy." She mumbled into her pillow as she tried to tried to pull the covers back up.

"Daddy?" Nigel's whispered to himself and froze with the comforter clutched tightly in his hands. He wasn't sure if that is really what she said or if he was hearing things. Swallowing, he pushed it out of his mind as wishful thinking. "Come on, Eve. You have to get ready for daycare." He mumbled as began to tickle the half awake child.

Jordan took a quick shower and dressed for work. The smell of french toast was in the air and her mouth was watering. She could hear Nigel's muffled voice as he tried to wake Eve up and smiled. With a shake of her head, she padded towards her daughters room and leaned on the door frame, watching the cleaver ploy that Nigel used to get the little girl out of bed. Tickles. Eve was ticklish and Nigel had found out by accident one night they were playing. Now that is the method he used to get her out of bed. She watched in amusement.

"Ah!" Eve squealed as she felt fingers tickling her sides. Her eyes popped open and wiggled around in the bed, laughing, until she got enough leverage to launch into his arms, knocking him backward onto the floor. She had the upper hand for several seconds as her small hands worked at Nigel's sides, mimicking his actions against her. When he didn't respond to her assault, she stuck her lower lip out and pouted before she was swept into another fit of giggles as he attacked her bare feet. "Daddy, stop. Stop!" She giggled and opened her eyes, that had closed during the tickle attack, to find him staring at her with wide eyes. Eve wasn't stupid, if you asked anyone that knew her, they'd all agree. She knew that her 'Unca Nige' was around all the time and that he made her mommy happy. So why shouldn't she call him daddy? He acted like her first daddy had. He made her laugh and played with her like her first daddy. He read her bed time stories and tucked her in like her first daddy did. So why couldn't he be her new daddy? Sure the word had slipped out twice without intension but it was what she was thinking. Quickly, her eyes darted to the doorway where she just noticed her mother standing with a horrified look on her face. All of a sudden, Eve felt like she had done something wrong and didn't understand the adults reaction to her.

Nigel froze again. This time he was sure of what he heard. Eve had called him daddy just as plain as day. His fingers stilled against her feet and he was caught in her crystal blue gaze. He felt so overwhelmed with joy and happiness that his head began to spin. He stumbled to his feet and away from the confused child. He truly had no idea what to do. It had never been discussed. Sure, he and Jordan had been dating for a year now but they never talked about the future. And they surely never talked about Eve calling him something other than uncle. He swallowed hard, suddenly needing to get out of there. He turned and came face to face with a opened mouth Jordan. "I..." He pushed passed her and into the living room where he sat on the edge of the couch and quickly pulled on his black combat boots. He laced them up, silently, with trembling fingers. Unaware that Jordan had followed him.

"Nige..." Jordan began but stopped seeing him pulling on his boots. She eyed the clock and frowned. Neither of them needed to be at work for another hour and a half so where was he going? Suddenly, Jordan felt panicked. 'Nigel was leaving!' Her mind screamed. Eve had pushed him with calling him daddy. They had never talked about their relationship taking the next step but she had always figured that it would. He was practically living with them now and only went to his apartment when he needed a change of clothes and to water the two house plants that Lily and Bug had bought him a few years back as a thank you for watching the twins. "Don't go!" She blurted out. "I'm sure she didn't mean it. It must have just slipped out." She was trembling now and fighting back the tears that were burning the inside of her eye lids. "Please." She whispered.

He finished lacing up one boot and started on the other. Once he finished that one he stood and began to gather the folders that he had brought home with him the previous night. He was working on the O'Dell case and couldn't find the cause of death so he asked Jordan to help him out. Whenever he needed help, he just brought what he could home and Jordan would help him. He was listening to her as he was gathering the pictures off the coffee table and shoving them into the folder already in his hand. "I...I just remembered that I have a meeting this morning. Garrett hates when I'm late, love." Nigel mumbled as he felt his heart twist with her last words. 'She didn't mean it. It must have just slipped out.' He repeated to himself. That's what he was afraid of. He wanted Eve to willingly call him daddy and not because she let the word slip, not knowing. "Enjoy breakfast." He said as he pulled his black, leather, jacket out of the hallway closet and flung it over his arm. Then he pulled the front door open and exited. It closed behind him with a click.

Eve had joined the two adults in the living room without them knowing it. She was confused by their words and actions. And even more confused when Nigel left without eating breakfast with them. He _always_ ate breakfast with them. She reached up and tugged on her mothers sleeve. "Unca Nige, don't want ta be daddy?" She questioned, sadly.

The tears were falling when she felt the tug on her sleeve. Looking down into her daughters innocent eyes and hearing that question asked with such sadness, Jordan could do nothing except gather Eve into her arms and hold her. She sobbed into her little girls hair. Nigel had walked out. He just left. There was no meeting. He would have told her last night that he needed to leave early in the morning for a meeting. But he didn't. He lied to get away from her. From them. She felt ill and swallowed back the bile rising in her throat. Nigel had left. She cried even harder.

The little girl just held onto her mother for dear life. Poor little Eve was more confused now than before. But what could she do except try and comfort her mother?

When Nigel got to work, he wasn't in a very good mood. The look on his face must have conveyed that because no one bothered him. Michael, a young intern, had made the mistake of getting in his way and ended up doing the paper work for three backlogged cases. As the day wore on, Nigel began to feel guilty. He should have stayed and talked to Jordan. Instead he took off with an excuse that she'd obviously know was a lie. He had made things worse. By lunch, it had become unbearable so he called Jordan's cell only to get the voice mail so he left a message for her to call him. When she never called he tried again, an hour later, only to find out that her phone had been turned off. He was swamped with the O'Dell autopsy after lunch so he didn't get another chance to call until quitting time. This time, he called her work only to be told that Jordan had called off sick. He was frantic by now and called Eve's daycare and spoke to Headmaster Chancey. Eve hadn't been dropped off at daycare and had been pulled out of the program for the remainder of the month due to a family emergency. When he hung up, Nigel felt a cold dread creep into his stomach. Jordan was running. She was running because of him.

**Back to Present Time**

The O'Dell case was over. Nigel had finished the last little bit of paper work only moments ago. Another glance at the computer told him that it was past midnight. Nigel felt empty. He had tried Jordan's cell three more times before giving up and burying his nose in paper work that didn't need completed for another three days. Finally, he drug himself out of the building and to his motorcycle that sat parked in a nearby parking lot. He, unconsciously, drove to Jordan's house only to be greeted by darkness. The house was bathed in nothing more than moon light. Swallowing, he dismounted and trudged up the front steps. Taking his key, he opened the front door and entered. It was weird coming home to a quiet house. It was ironic how quickly he got used to being apart of Jordan and Eve's life. Being apart of a family. He walked into Eve's room. The bed wasn't made and the only things missing were several of Eve's dolls that sat on the floor and several outfits from the dresser. Further inspection of the house showed that Jordan had also only taken several outfits with her and nothing else. "Bloody hell." Nigel mumbled as he ran a hand through his short, black hair. There was only two weeks left in the month and the headmaster at Eve's daycare had said that she had been taken out of the program for the remainder of the month. He could only hope that Jordan returned in that time. Sitting down on the foot of the bed, he hung his head and left the dark silence claim him.


	13. Chapter 13

It wasn't that he didn't love her. Nigel loved Jordan to the unfathomable depths of his heart and to the very epitome of his soul. She wasn't one to be in touch with her feelings. She was always one to push and run. It happened before and he thought about it. Lord, did he ever think about leaving her? No! He thought of her feelings before his own and it amazed him to no end how much he truly sacrificed for her. He hadn't meant to screw up. Who ever did? It was an accident and now he couldn't even make things right. He couldn't hold Jordan in his arms and kiss away her tears. He'd never hear Eve's giggles again. He was sure that she wasn't coming back. He resigned himself to that fate. He took another sip of the bitter, amber liquid and it burned as it went down his throat. The fool that he was, he actually thought he could change her. He believed that he could gain her trust and love enough to ask her to marry him. He wanted to adopt Eve but wasn't sure if Jordan was ready for that step so he had remained quiet letting time take its course with their relationship. The fool that he was, he thought that maybe they would have a happy ending. 'What a stupid, naive fool you were. Happy endings are for fairy tales, novels and children's books.' His mind told him over and over again. He now doubted that they would ever have an ending. 'Give her some time and she'll come back.' His heart told him but he didn't know if he could trust his heart anymore. And now he was regretting ever coming to America. He should have stayed in England and lived out his life instead of coming to Boston and living a complicated one. He could barely contain his anger. He barely recalled the details of the night. He had gone somewhere, stocked his refrigerator full of liquor, came home, and in the futility of the situation and all of his frustration, he downed the liquid like water. One after another. Just continuous. He had even bought more. He grasped the neck of an empty bottle and flung it against the wall and he heard it shatter. Then the dark shadows of sleep over took his troubled mind and he passed out on his living room couch.

**Two Weeks Later**

Nigel sat at his desk, dark sunglasses covered his eyes. He could feel his pulse behind his eyes. It was another day. Another hangover. Mountains of paper work covered the desk top and he knew he was behind. The only difference now was that he didn't care. Behind the sunglasses, his eyes were closed and he jumped when he heard a chair scrap across the floor behind him. It made his hangover angry and spikes of color and pain shot through his head. "Would you be quiet!" He hissed out as he rubbed his temples.

Garrett could no longer sit, idly, back and watch Nigel from afar. Something was bothering him and Garrett had to figure out what it was before he was forced to take action against Nigel's lazy attitude. He pulled out a chair and sat. "We need to talk, Nigel." His voice was soft. He didn't want to anger the man since he had obviously developed a short temper. People were complaining left and right about Nigel's behavior so that had to be addressed to.

A soft groan escaped from his pale lips. "Sorry boss." He whispered. Nigel literally felt himself shaking and growing ill. The last two weeks were catching up with him. Today being the worse out of all previous days. He had called Headmaster Chancey before leaving for work only to find out that his worse fears were confirmed. Eve had been withdrawn from the daycare program, indefinitely. Licking his lips, he managed to spin himself around to face Garrett. "Did you want something or did you just want to stop in and talk to your favorite bloke?" He tried to sound as normal as possible but failed.

"Nigel..." Garrett began then stopped noticing the other mans haggard appearance. He was paler than usual and he could see dark rings peeking out from under the sunglasses that seemed to have become, permanently, attached to Nigel's face over the last few weeks. And he looked thinner, if that was possible. He was dressed in the same outfit that he had worn yesterday and several days of stubble covered his face. Also the smell of alcohol permeated the air. "My God! What's happened to you?" Garrett was shocked.

A bitter little laugh escaped from his throat. "What's the matter chief? Never seen a broken man before?" Nigel's accent seemed heavier than usual and his words were slurred making them difficult to understand.

"What are you talking about?" Garrett stood and closed the door to the small office, shutting the one window blind in the process. Somehow, this situation looked familiar and he was experiencing deja-vu. "Talk to me Nigel. You're a good Medical Examiner, don't force me to suspend you." He crossed his arms over his chest and waited. He knew that it was a weak threat but he doubted in Nigel's condition that it would matter how strong the threat was.

"I bet you'd get a bloody jolly laugh out of this." He sneered then sighed. "She's gone, Doctor M. She just...left." Nigel threw his arms in the air to make his point then winced as his head began to throb again from the sudden movement.

Garrett was confused. This was about a girl? He never seen Nigel so screwed up over a girl. Hell, he didn't even think he dated. His job was his life. "Why would I laugh about that?"

"Because she did it to you too, mate!" He huffed. "I think I'm going to be sick." Nigel covered his mouth and bolted out of his office and stumbled towards the nearest bathroom. He didn't even get the door completely closed before he emptied the contents of his stomach into the porcelain toilet bowl.

Blinking, Garrett sat there as he watched Nigel run to the bathroom. Then his words hit him. 'Because she did it to you too.' His eyes widened just a bit as he stood and walked to the bathroom, stopping outside. He finally understood. This was about Jordan. It made sense now. He had stopped by her house several times to drop off and pick Spencer up and he could hear Nigel inside playing with Eve. Spencer would come home and talk for hours about how cool 'Uncle Nigel' was and how he knew how to play all the coolest video games. Nigel seemed to always be at Jordan's when he stopped by with Spencer. Why hadn't he put two and two together? Nigel had a relationship with Jordan. Or at least, he did, but not anymore by the sound of things. When Nigel appeared a few minutes later, he gave a understanding smile. "Let's get out of here for awhile." He stopped at the front desk on the way out and made sure that he'd be called if any emergency came up and then he left with Nigel. He drove to the Pogue without thinking.

Inside, Nigel was greeted by a small smile from Max. He had stopped by there several times to see if he had heard anything from Jordan but the answer was always no. He nodded in greeting and sat at a table towards the back, where it was dark. Garrett sat opposite him a few moments later. He was silent having no idea what to say to his boss.

"What happened?" Was Garrett's only question and raised an eyebrow when Max brought over two cups of coffee and sat them down before disappearing again. Nigel had obviously been in this state for sometime and Max knew about it.

"I was a git." Nigel mumbled as he blew on the steaming cup of coffee and took a sip. The liquid was strong and he knew it would take away his hangover. He sighed, removing his dark glasses and locking his blood shit, red, eyes on Garrett. "The little tyke called me daddy and I reacted badly." He laid his head onto the cool wooden surface of the table. "Actually that would be an understatement." He mumbled into the table top.

"Daddy? How long were you and Jordan together?" He obviously figured out that the little tyke was Eve but was sure that the little girl wouldn't call just anyone daddy. Garrett took a sip of his own coffee and waited.

"Over a year." Came his muffled reply from face down on the table. "I...it was two weeks ago. I was trying to get Eve up and she called me daddy once. I thought I was hearing things but then she called me it again and Jordan heard it." Nigel lifted his head and rested it on his folder arms, his spiked bracelets digging into his cheek. "It shocked me and I made up an excuse about a meeting and left. Jordan didn't want me to go. She said that must have slipped out. It hurt me to know that she was probably right. When I realized that I had made a mistake by leaving...it was too late. Eve hadn't shown up for daycare and Jordan had called off sick at work. They were gone and now they bloody well aren't coming back!" He slammed his fisted hand onto the table, spilling some of his coffee. "I hurt her and now I can't fix it. I always fix it." He whispered.

He raised an eyebrow. Somehow, it didn't shock him that Nigel and Jordan had an relationship. They both were loners and slightly eccentric. He waited for the pangs for jealousy that usually hit him when thinking about Jordan with someone else but they didn't come. He felt nothing but pity for Nigel. It had to be hell knowing that the first time that Jordan left, she came back with a kid and widowed. Nigel had to be thinking that the same would happen again since he had obviously taken up drinking as a late night hobby. He had to be thinking that Jordan would find someone else to give her love to and he'd be left with nothing except a broken heart. He knew all too well what Nigel was going through because he had gone through it himself. "If she loves you, she'll come back. Don't let what happened between me and her deter you from keeping faith that she'll return. There is a difference between you and me. She stopped loving me long before she left. I really did do something wrong and all you did was overreact to being called daddy by a child that you obviously adore." He glanced at his watch. "I have to get back to the office, take a few days off and get yourself together." He stood, patted him on the shoulder and left.

Nigel left the bar soon after Garrett. His motorcycle was still back at the morgue so he decided to walk. A little exercise would do his tired limbs some good. He knew what Garrett said was true. Jordan had stopped loving him long before that marriage was over. Their eight month affair was testimony to that. "Please come home, love." He whispered as he looked up to the clear blue sky.

**Meanwhile Elsewhere**

Jordan and Eve are currently staying with Jebadiah while Jordan sorted out her emotions and tried to shake the a _flu _bug that she picked up a few weeks back. She was up most of the night now, not just mornings, throwing up. That seemed to be the only unbearable symptom other than occasional chills, hot flashes and irritability. Being a doctor, she knew in her mind that it wasn't the flu but this was her way of dealing with it for now. The first night back in Kentucky, she didn't even remember driving there. Jeb found her in shock, sitting in the driveway with a sleeping Eve in the backseat. It took another two days before she'd even speak to anyone other than her daughter. When she finally did open up, all she would say was that she came to visit her family since she missed them so very much.

Jeb knew the truth since Eve was anything but quiet. She had told her grandfather that she called her _Unca Nige_ daddy and that he had left. After that her mommy packed her in the car and they left as well. Jeb knew that Jordan must have witnessed the who daddy calling incident and that was the reason why she ended up on his doorstep but what he couldn't figure out was if Jordan left because she didn't want Eve calling this Nige fellow daddy or if she did. Her reaction to his leaving would say that she was ok with this man being called daddy by her daughter and that his leaving had hurt her. He also wasn't blind to that fact that his daughter-in-law was sick. He had enough children and grandchildren to know exactly what that meant. It meant that his granddaughters Uncle Nige was more than a brotherly figure to Jordan. Maybe that was the underlying reason she had left? The whole daddy calling situation had just pushed over the deep end so she ran back to the place where she felt safe. He could only guess since she wasn't willingly giving up any information pertaining to her life back in Boston. He just hoped that she knew what she was doing.


	14. Chapter 14

The two week visitation soon turned into a month and the month turned into two. And by this time she could no longer deny that her _flu _wasn't going away. Still, she couldn't bring herself to leave. Here she was surrounded by loving friends and family and she could easily forget her woes back in Boston. Or so she kept telling herself. Sure she felt at peace here but she missed her father and Nigel.

Today she was going to sort things out once and for all. That is what she kept repeating to herself as she drove to the cemetery. It took her several minutes to get out of the car but soon she found herself standing in front of a smooth, black headstone. It came up to her hip and could be considered one of the biggest headstones in the small cemetery. She smiled sadly as she traced a finger over the name. "Hey Mark." She mumbled and didn't even try to stop the tears that were beginning to form in the corner of her eyes. "It's been awhile. I'm sorry I haven't visited more often but things got complicated after you...died." The tears were now running, freely, down her cheeks. "I moved back to Boston like I always promised I would; if anything happened to you. It took me a little while but I finally managed to make the move." She crouched down, careful not to disturb the fresh roses laying at the base of the headstone. Jeb brought them every month. "I miss you, Mark. Eve does too. She's growing like a weed." She sighed and moved her fingers to the words _beloved son, husband and father_ tracing each letter with her feather light touch. "I bet you're wondering what I'm doing here?" She smiled. "You remember Nigel right? I told you about him. He was my lifesaver when my life was in shambles. I...I started seeing him again. Or at least I was. That's why I'm here, Mark. I need some guidance from my best friend." She took a deep breath. "You see...damn. This is difficult to talk about Mark. But she called him daddy. She knows who you are and will always love you but I guess Nigel fills the void that your death left her with. But he ran, Mark. He made up an excuse and ran..." Sobs replaced the words.

Mark Kincade listened as Jordan poured her heart out to him. She needed his help and he wasn't going to let anything stop him. Not even _God_. So once he heard the sobs, he appeared behind her. Flesh and blood but only for the moment. Only so she could get the comfort and guidance that she needed. "Hey Jo." He said quietly.

Jordan straightened up and turned around, coming face to face with her late husband. She stumbled backward and ended up leaning against the headstone. She blinked, frantically, trying to get his image out of her mind. Seeing things wasn't a good sign. Especially when she was in such a fragile mental state. But he didn't go away. "Mark...?" She didn't move or rather she couldn't.

"Ya. It's me Jo. Don't look so surprised." He drew out with his southern accent. "You asked for my guidance so I'm here to give it." Mark gave her his trademark lopsided smile and adjusted his glasses. His crystal blue eyes, twinkling in amusement.

She swallowed hard, unable to accept that her husband was standing in front of her. Jordan took a tentative step towards him, then another and another until she was standing right in front of him. She could smell his old spice aftershave. Slowly, she raised a hand laid it on his cheek. He was warm and seemed very much real. Again sobs were overtaking her but this time she was gathered into a warm embrace. A familiar, calming embrace. She stayed there, sobbing, until she had no more tears to shed.

Mark held the sobbing Jordan until he heard and felt her quiet. He pulled back and looked into her red, swelled, eyes. "Feeling better now?" Again he smiled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Boston, huh?" He, gently, tried to ease her into the conversation.

She sniffled and smiled up at him. "Ya. I promised you that I would go back if anything happened to you and I did. Not that it was worth it." Jordan whispered.

"Hey. Don't talk like that. Sure it was worth it. I've been watching over you, Jo. You're getting to know your son and mending the fences between you and his father. I would say that was worth it. You finally moved past the guilt you were harboring over your failed marriage and not being there for your son. I bet Eve loves him." Mark prodded.

"I don't think Eve understands yet. She knows that Spencer comes around and he goes to the park and zoo with us but she doesn't realize that he is her brother. He's more of a...playmate to her." Jordan stepped away from Mark and crossed her arms over her chest.

Mark watched her. "Tell me about this Nigel fellow. He's the reason that you're here, right?"

Jordan sighed and placed her hand, unconsciously, on her stomach. "He's my best friend." She whispered but saw the skeptical look in Mark's eyes and knew that she was going to have to tell him the truth. No matter how painful it was for her. "He's my..." She really didn't know what to call him. "Boyfriend? Lover? Both, I guess. And yes, he is the reason that I'm here."

"Now was that so hard, Jo?" Mark questioned. "You guess? Come on. I know you better than that, Jo. What did he do to make you travel all the way from Boston back to Kentucky just to talk to a headstone?"

She snorted and couldn't help but roll her eyes. It felt like old times. "I didn't come all the way here to talk to a headstone. I came here to talk to you. I just never realized that you'd be making a house call." Jordan was quiet a moment, chewing on her bottom lip. "Eve misses you. We both do. Nigel is...was...around a lot. He even made it his job to put her to bed at night and get her up in the mornings." She couldn't stop the smile that spread across her lips. It was a good memory. One she'd hold onto forever. "She called him daddy and he...I dunno." She threw her hands in the air out of frustration.

Mark smiled. He could remember tucking little Eve in at night and reading her a bedtime story. But he never woke her up in the morning because he was always up and heading out the door before either of the two woman in his life were awake. He felt a pang of envy for this Nigel fellow. "He didn't handle it well? Jordan..." He walked over and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his hands over hers on her stomach. "I'm sure he just needed sometime to process what happened. He's not a father, right?" With the nod of her head, he continued. "So he isn't used to be addressed as daddy. I'm sure before this he was an Uncle right?" Again she nodded. "It might not seem like much but going from being addressed as uncle to daddy is scary. Hell, Jo...Even I was scared when I found out I was going to be a father. I was used to being a uncle. But that didn't make me any less of a father to Eve. I learned, slowly, to accept it. He loves you, Jo. And I wouldn't want anyone else to be a father to my daughter. He has enough love to go around. He can take care of you and Eve. I'm gone, Jo. As hard as that is to accept, I'm not coming back. Don't let this chance for happiness, slip through your fingers because of me." He was quiet a moment. "Does he know?" He gave the hand underneath his a squeeze to make his point.

Jordan listened to his words and found herself smiling. But the smile faded at his last question. "No. I thought that I may have been before I left but I didn't find out for sure until a few weeks ago. How am I going to tell him about this? He hasn't seen me in two months and when I left the word daddy scared him. And it was coming for a four year old. What is this news going to do to him?"

"Jo...He has a right to know that he's going to be a father. You can't deny him that. And I'm sure this news will thrill him. He's a good man. I've seen him a few times and I can tell you that he'll be overjoyed. He's hurting now. Deeply. He's actually has himself believing that you won't be back. I never seen a man in so much anguish for the first two weeks after you left. He almost lost his job over it. Go back to him, Jo. He see's nothing but darkness now, go be his light. But remember that I will always love you and Eve. Go be happy. I give you my blessing." Mark brushed his lips against her neck.

Her eyes closed and she felt a breeze dance through her hair. When her eyes opened, she was alone again. Jordan glanced back at the headstone and kissed the palm of her hand, laying it against the cool surface. "And I will always love you, Mark Kincade." Feeling better, she climbed back into her car and left the small cemetery heading back to Jeb's.

**Back in Boston**

Nigel woke up with his heart rapidly thumping in his chest. He looked around his dark apartment. Nothing was out of place and it was quiet. The green numbers on his clock read 3:22a.m. And with a groan, he ran his hand through his shaggy, black hair. Two months now without any word from Jordan. He gave up hope of her returning. He even accepted that she wouldn't. He drug his tired body from the tangled red sheets and sat on the edge of the bed. After his talk with Garrett, he got himself together. He took a week off and cleaned up. All alcohol was removed from his apartment and he has been sober ever since. Being sober also affected him at work. He was actually pleasant to be around again and always got his work done on time. Even a little early if he could manage it. He even looked healthier. He didn't stay late anymore unless he had to and never went out of his way to drive past her house. Instead he emerged himself into the night life spending his free nights at _Creatures of the Night_, a new Goth club that opened up downtown. He fit in without trouble and even managed to round up a few friends. He slowly rebuilding his life. A life that didn't include Jordan and a special little girl with blue eyes who had wanted to call him daddy. Or that is what he told himself. He knew exactly why he had woken up so suddenly. It was that nightmare again. He had it about once or twice a week. It was always the same. Jordan needed him and he tried to get to her. But once he did, she'd turn her back to him and walk away. Sighing, he rolled back into bed and willed himself into a uneasy slumber.


	15. Chapter 15

**Two Months Later**

Jordan parked her car in front of her Boston townhouse and turned off the motor. It was a dark and quiet night. Black clouds covered the sky like a thick blanket and the smell of rain was in the air. With a sigh, she pulled her tired body out of the car and opened the backdoor for Eve. She smiled as the little girl bounded out of the car and up the front stairs. The house was dark which surprised her. She half expected Nigel to be there, waiting. And in the back of her mind she wished that he had been. Unlocking the door, she flipped on the inside lights and locked the door behind her. Eve disappeared into her own room which left Jordan alone to wander the empty house. Nigel had to have been there at some point in time because everything was clean, which wasn't how Jordan left it. "Oh Nige." She whispered and laid a hand on her slightly swollen stomach. She wasn't big yet but it was obvious that she was pregnant. Glancing around, she noticed the blinking light on her answering machine. Pushing it, she discovered twenty-six messages. Most of them were from her father, a few were from Bug and Lily, and a few were from Garrett. There was only one from Nigel. His voice was soft but sad as he spoke the message, dated five days ago, oddly enough. His words repeated through her mind and she sat down.

_Buggles and Lily made me call, love. I don't know why when I know you're not there to answer. I guess this is about closure then. Or maybe peace of mind. I guess that's all there is to say._ That's all that he said.

"Come on Eve. Let's go see Grandpa Max." Jordan called out. She couldn't stay here, not yet. She needed to be around people and she knew that the Pogue would be packed on a Friday night.

"Coming mommy." Eve called out. She appeared at her mothers side with a big toothy grin. "Okay. Let's go see Granpa Max." Her vocabulary improved over the four months that they were gone.

Jordan smiled and lead the little girl back out to the car and buckled her in. She left the lights on in the house not wanting to come home to the darkness again. It took several laps around the block before she could find a parking spot within walking distance of the Pogue. She parked and lead the little girl inside. She was right about it being packed. As soon as she pushed the door open, the noise washed over her in waves. Once inside, she lead Eve, by the hand, towards a empty table in the back. It was secluded and out of the way so they wouldn't be bothered.

To any other child, sitting for a long period of time doing nothing would be impossible. Except Eve wasn't just any other child. She sat at the table with her mother, just taking in the sights. She noticed that a lot of the people around them wore shinny badges like her daddy used to and that made her smile. She even pointed it out to her mother who returned the smile and praise for Eve noticing such a small detail.

Lost in thought, Jordan didn't notice the thinning crowd. Her eyes were staring, unfocused, at the pool table where a friendly game of pool was being played. She wasn't watching the game. She never noticed the hours passing and soon they were amongst the last people in the bar. Shaking her head, she looked at her daughter who had just asked her a question. "What was that, sweety?"

"Mommy..." Eve frowned and set her mouth in a pout. "You weren't listening to Eve!" She pointed out and crossed her little arms over her chest. It would have been cute except that her crystal blue eyes were now a dark blue, swirling with anger. "I asked if we were going to see granpa Max or not?" Her tone was sharp and almost a perfect match to her mothers when she was in the same ticked off mood.

Jordan turned her attention to the little girl and raised a eye brow. "You will not take the tone with me young lady." She sighed. "I think you hung around your Aunt Tory too long." She mumbled. She glanced around the bar and frowned. There was no sign of Max now. She saw him earlier over by the pool table but that game had long since ended. "Fine. Come on." She walked up to the bar and helped Eve up onto one of the stools before joining her. "Is Max here?" She asked the passing bartended, a girl this time. The girl, Candi, motioned towards the back office before moving away. "Hey, if it's not too much trouble, could you get him?" She bit out, sarcastically, then wondered why her father hired such rude bartenders. She watched as the girl sighed and then huffed her way to the office where she disappeared inside. A few seconds later Candi returned with Max in tow.

Max had been surprised when the young bartender appeared and told him some lady wanted to see him. It was near closing time and when he retreated into the office, the bar was almost empty. He smiled and followed her out not noticing who the mystery woman was until he got in front of her."My God, Jordan?" He was surprised to see his daughter.

"And Eve! Don't forget Eve, Granpa Max!" The little girl called out seeing her grandfather only addressing her mother. "I missed you lots!" Eve was practically crawling over the counter top.

Jordan frowned. "Yes, dad. Who did you expect, Pamela Anderson?" She glanced over at Eve. "Sit down before you fall." She chided her daughter and looked back to her father. "Don't look so surprised, I didn't move out of town. I went on vacation." She mumbled, lamely.

"Vacation? Jordan it's been four months! Vacations don't last that long." Max turned his attention to the little girl and reached over the bar top, plucking her out of her seat and hugging her. "I missed you too, pumpkin." He mumbled into her ear and gave her a peck in the cheek before setting her down on the counter, facing him. "Where have you been?"

Eve answered the question before her mother could even open her mouth. "We was visiting Granpa Jeb and daddy." She said with pride.

"Kentucky." Jordan answered after Eve quieted down. "I wanted Eve to see where he father was buried and I knew Jeb wanted to see her. So that's where we landed." She seemed to be at ease talking about her dead husband. "I would have been back two months ago but I had a few things to clear up. And Doctor Strayland was the only one that could help me."

"Doctor? Are you sick, Jordan?" Max eyed his daughter then granddaughter. Eve just shrugged not knowing why her mommy had been seeing the good, cooky, doctor.

"Not that kind of a doctor, dad. He's a damn fine therapist." Jordan eyed her father in return. "Let's just say that I had a spiritual experience one day and I needed help to understand if I was finally losing my marbles or if it really happened. He's the best that Kentucky has to offer. He helped me out a lot. That's why I'm here."

Max sighed and shook his head. "That man of yours, Jordan. He's been in the worse way since you left. He tries to deny it but I can see it in his eyes. You need to let him know you're in town. Go see him tonight if you can."

Jordan was saddened by her fathers words but this wasn't anything she didn't already know. "I know..." She said quietly. "But I can't." She looked down at her ring less fingers. It felt strange not having her wedding band there but Mark was gone. She knew that now and was ready to move on. But she needed a few days to figure out what to say to Nigel.

"Jordan, why? You can't let him suffer anymore than he already has. And needlessly too." Max was appalled by his daughters words and let that show in his voice.

Her eyes darkened at the tone of her fathers voice. She knew it well. Frowning, Jordan stood up and turned to the side. She grabbed the hem of her lose shirt and pulled it up over her stomach. The bump was clearly visible. "This is why, dad." She spat out and let the shirt drop back into place.

Max's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. He felt disappointed in his daughter. "How could you do this to him, Jordan?" He whispered.

Jordan blinked and she crossed her arms over her chest. "I didn't do anything. Stop looking at me like I'm some kind of criminal. I'm pregnant. I didn't commit a triple homicide!" She felt herself growing defensive.

Eve looked from her mother to her grandfather. She knew when grown-ups were talking serious and this was one of those times. "Mommy is gonna have baby. Eve be big sister." She said trying to defuse the situation in her own childish way.

"He was afraid of this Jordan. He told me that this would happen and I didn't believe him. How could I? You're my daughter but I didn't raise you like this!" Max crossed his own arms over his chest. He gave Eve a small smile before turning his attention back to Jordan. "He didn't want it to turn out like this. He didn't want this, Jordan. How could you do this to him? Haven't you put him through enough?"

She froze at her fathers harsh, unkind, words. Jordan swallowed the lump in her throat and placed her hand on her stomach, protectively. Her father was disappointed in her and even angry. She didn't understand why. All this time she was being told that Nigel would want to be apart of this child's life only to discover that he didn't. He didn't want to have a baby with her. He didn't want to be a father, _at all_, for that matter. She never thought that her father could be misinterpreting the situation. All she thought about was that she had been wrong. That Mark and her therapist had been wrong. She wiped the tears, roughly, off her face. She wouldn't cry over this. "I guess time does reveal the truth." She shook her head sadly. "I went to therapy for two months so that I could come back with a better grasp on life. Come on, Eve. Tell Grandpa Max goodbye."

"Where are you going, Jordan?" Max helped Eve to the floor.

She smiled at her grandfather and gave him a big hug. "Bye Granpa." Eve said with a smile then joined her mother who was backing towards the door.

"I...I need some space." Jordan whispered, harshly, as she took Eve's hand. "I came back to start over. To try and make things right but I can't. This time I can't make things right because I can't...no...I won't get rid of my baby. I love my unborn child and if no one else can accept that, they can go to hell. I can't stay around people that, obviously, would resent this childs life. It's not fair to my baby or Eve or myself." She ground out and left, slamming the door behind her. She never felt so foolish. How could she have ever thought that Nigel would want this baby?

Max blinked at his daughters sudden departure. Her words registered a few minutes later and he was out the door after her. But she was already gone. He was confused but he also knew by the tone of her voice that she wasn't happy. Little did he know that he had given Jordan the mistaken impression that Nigel had time to realize that he didn't want to be a father. Frowning he entered the bar once again and headed straight for the phone. If Jordan wasn't going to tell Nigel that she was in town then he would have to. It was for her own good.


	16. Chapter 16

Jordan woke up early the following morning to make the arrangements. She had made a decision after she left her fathers bar. She was going to leave Boston for good this time. But she couldn't return to Kentucky. The Kincade's would always be her family but she needed to stop taking the easy way out. So she made a few calls.

One was to Justice O'Mally, a friend of hers from the Louisville Coroner's Office. Justice had traveled all over the United States before settling in Louisville. His skills and inability to follow orders made him a good friend to Jordan. They were alike in so many ways that many had mistaken them for siblings on more than one occasion. Jordan trusted Justice and the boy owed her a favor. She was calling it in. When she got off the phone with him, he had promised her a clean start. This time, she was doing it right.

The second call was to Ben's Movers. She discussed her moving plans with them and they promised to send a truck over at noon. They wouldn't be able to help her move her things until the following day but she was more than welcome to begin without them. She agreed to their terms and settled the payment details over the phone. Once she hung up, she felt a little bit better. Having forgotten her fathers unkind words the night before. At least, for the moment.

The truck arrived on time and the driver left Jordan with the keys so that she could lock it up for the night.

With a sigh, Jordan ran her hand through her hair and watched Eve playing on the living room floor. The little girl seemed sad for some reason and it bothered Jordan. "Eve, sweety...what's wrong?" She asked as she sat down on the couch.

Eve looked up at her mother with a frown. "Eve don't want to leave again." Her voice was small and held none of the firmness and anger from the previous night.

Jordan matched her daughters frown. "I know, baby. But this is for the best." She placed a hand on her stomach as she leaned back into the comfortable cushions.

"Why we leaving?" The little girl asked. "Eve don't understand. When daddy wasn't with the angels, we lived in 'tucky. Then we come here to see granpa Max and then we go back to 'tucky. Now we are here and leaving again!" Eve crossed her arms over her chest, a confused look plastered on her face.

"It's complicated Eve. When you're older, I'll tell you." Jordan eyed her daughter for a moment. "Come on. Help me pack some things?" She questioned and looked at the pile of boxes in the corner of the living room.

"Eve wants to stay here!" She jumped to her feet and stood in front of her mother. "No go back to 'tucky!" Eve implored.

"We're not going back to Kentucky, Eve." Jordan said quietly, as she got up and moved towards the boxes. She grabbed two and moved towards the kitchen where she began to pack away dishes that they never used.

The little girl only sighed. Eve really was confused. She wanted to stay in one place not move around whenever her mother felt the urge. She missed the stable life that they had when her daddy was alive. This lifestyle was taking a toll on this four year old. But her mother didn't notice.

Once she filled the box, she closed it and carried it out the front door. Jordan started down the front steps and down her walkway only to be stopped by a voice that she had been hoping to avoid.

Nigel had been waiting outside of Jordan's house for an hour now. He was leaning against the side of the moving truck when he saw Jordan exit her house, carrying a box marked kitchen. "Moving back to Kentucky, love?" He questioned and smirked as he saw her freeze in her tracks.

Jordan literally had to clutch the box tighter so she didn't drop it. "No. New York, actually." She found her voice but she stayed where she was. Now the box was the only thing, besides her oversized sweat-shirt, keeping him from seeing her condition.

"You weren't even going to tell me you were back, were you? I had to hear it from Max." Nigel pushed away from the truck and walked until he stopped in front of Jordan. He tried to take the box from her but she refused to let go.

Her hold on the box, tightened. "My father called you?" She let out a bitter chuckle and shifted the box slightly. "I'm surprised. He seemed intent on protecting you last night." She snapped out and tried to move around him.

Nigel saw her trying to move around him and moved so that she couldn't get past him. He yanked the box out of her hands and sat it down on the grass before turning back to her. "What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean, Jordan?"

Jordan crossed her arms over her chest. She silently thanked God for picking out a black, baggy, sweat shirt to wear today. It hid her slightly extended stomach. "He helped me see that I don't belong here anymore." She mumbled.

He listened to her and raised a eyebrow. "You don't belong here anymore? So you're running to New York? You think you're going to fit in there, love?" Nigel took a step towards her.

She reacted to his sudden step towards her by placing a hand on her stomach, protectively. "I'm not _running_ to New York. I'm moving there. There is a difference between running and moving." Jordan mumbled. "They have an opening at the M.E.'s office so I decided to go for it. It's a good career move for me."

Nigel noticed what Jordan had done and he blinked in confusion. "What happened to being a doctor, Jordan? I thought you wanted a change?"

Jordan quickly moved her hand once she noticed him staring. "I did want a change but it was for all the wrong reasons. I loved my job before. I enjoyed _speaking for the dead _so to speak. Becoming a doctor was just me trying to fit in. I was trying to me normal. I realize now that I don't need to be normal in order to fit in. Plus I knew that if I ever came back here, I couldn't work with Garrett." She shrugged.

"That sounds deep, love. Been seeing a shrink, have we?" Nigel meant the question as a joke and tension breaker.

"I've been seeing a therapist, yes." Jordan looked back towards the house then to Nigel. "He helped me work through a lot of my problems. I'm not cured but I'm better than I was." She looked down at her sneaker clad feet. "Look Nigel..." She began but stopped to chew on her bottom lip. "I can't lie to you. It wouldn't be fair. Doctor Strayland said that I have to face my problems instead of running from them. I was going to come back from New York once we got settled and talk to you. But since you're here...would you join me for coffee?" She didn't wait for his answer and just headed inside where she put on a pot of coffee.

Nigel followed her inside and looked around. Everything looked the same and he smiled sadly. He glanced into the living room before heading into the kitchen. He sat down at the table and stared at his hands. "Eve is watching a black and white movie, love."

Jordan smiled and poured two cups of coffee, carrying them both to the table. She sat beside him. "She doesn't watch cartoons anymore and the old black and white movies are better for her than the violence that movies nowadays exploit." She sighed and took a sip of her coffee. "I'm sorry for leaving Nigel but I was scared." She saw him opening his mouth but she held up a hand to stop him. "Eve knew what she was doing when she called you daddy. No matter how many times I tried to tell myself that she didn't...my little girl isn't stupid. She misses her father, dearly. I didn't realize how much until recently. Doctor Strayland said that she was identifying you with him. You filled in the void that his death left." She sighed and said back in the chair, the coffee forgotten.

He was quiet. Maybe a little too quiet from the way Jordan was looking at him. Clearing his throat, Nigel took a sip of his coffee. "So I was a replacement then?" He couldn't hide the hurt that had crept into his voice. Nor did he want to. He wanted Jordan to know exactly what he was feeling. He wanted her to know how much he hurt.

She frowned. The tension was mounting again. "Eve, sweety." Jordan turned towards the living room. "Nap time. Go lay down, ok?" She turned back to Nigel. "No. You weren't a replacement. She loves you. I mean, what's not to love? You're were great with her, Nige. She isn't stupid. Eve knew we had a relationship. She bonded with you and took the next logical step. In her mind, you were her daddy just like Mark was."

Eve sighed at her mothers words and flipped the tv off. She had already seen the movie anyways. "Ok mommy. Eve go lay down." She stood and walked towards her room, stopping before she disappeared inside. "Night-night mommy. Night-night little baby." She disappeared into her room.

Nigel's eyes darted from the coffee cup to Jordan's face. "Little baby?" He questioned with narrowed eyes. He let his eyes scan over her body. He couldn't see much since she was sitting and wearing a very baggy black sweat shirt. Very un-Jordan like apparel.

Jordan swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat as soon Eve mentioned the baby. She had hoped that Nigel wouldn't notice the reference but he obviously did. And now she could feel his eyes scanning over her body, trying to figure out what the little girl meant. "Ah..." She rubbed the back of her next. "Look..." She began. "Everyone told me to come back two months ago. But I couldn't. I needed to get my life sorted out. So I went and saw Doctor Strayland. Our sessions had only been going on for two months when he told me I was ready to return. I didn't hesitate. I thanked Jeb for letting us stay with him and left the very same day. I understood that Eve scared you when she called you daddy. It's a scary thing going from a unattached uncle to a father. And it's even harder when the child calling you daddy isn't your own flesh and blood. I over reacted. I should have stayed and given you time to adjust. Then we could have talked about it. But all I kept thinking was that you didn't want to be Eve's father. That you didn't want to be a father period. And being that I have two point five kids, the relationship was bound to fail. My father just reaffirmed my fears last night." She knew that she had avoided his question.

He was very confused. His brain was in over drive trying to piece things together. Nigel knew that Jordan was avoiding his question but he felt like she was trying to give him the answer in her own way. He glanced at his watch and sighed. "I'm sorry to do this, love. But I have to get home. Joscelin is waiting for me." He whispered.

She felt her whole world crash and burn. "I...I'm sorry." She looked down, tears in her eyes. She had waited too long to come home. Jordan was trying to get her life together and Nigel had moved on."I understand." She cleared her throat and blinked away the tears. "I'm sorry I kept you so long. The movers are coming tomorrow so..." Her hand darted to her stomach and her face went blank. There was a little flutter in her stomach. It didn't feel like a kick. It just felt like the baby was making itself known.

Nigel froze as he began to stand and just stared at her. Finally all the pieces of the puzzle fit together in his mind. "Jordan..." He began but she was already heading down the hall and towards the door.

Jordan bolted and heard him say her name just as she got to the door. She stopped and opened it. "Have a good day, Nigel." Her voice was emotionless and she leaned against the wall beside the door.

He followed after her and watched as the door was opened and he was dismissed. Nigel's eyes narrowed again and he hit the wall, open palmed, nearest to him. The force of the blow made a picture fall off the wall. "Sweet Jesus, what is going on Jordan." He couldn't hide the anger or frustration he was feeling. "For once in your life, just tell me. Don't make me play one of your little Jordan games. I'm not in the bloody mood." He crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

"You're not in the mood? Oh I forgot, you have to get home!" Jordan was pissed. A few minutes ago he was saying that he had to leave and now he was going to act like he cared. "There is nothing to tell, Nigel. _N-O-T-H-I-N-G_" She spelled it out for him and copied his stance. Her legs were apart and she looked like a panther ready to pounce on it's prey. Her eyes were flashing with barely contained anger.

Nigel's nostrils flared but he made no attempt to move. Inside he knew that he had gone to far and now Jordan looked wound tighter than a top. She was near breaking point and he was afraid of her. He knew Jordan had a temper on her. Her Irish blood enhanced that temper by ten fold. He was on the receiving end once before, she had been drunk then, and it wasn't pretty. He could only imagine what it would be like with her sober.

"Go home, Nigel. Go back to your life." Jordan's voice was deathly calm and it came out in the form of a hiss through clenched teeth. She moved away from the door way and pointed out the open door. She was shaking from the anger she was harboring and her breathing came out in forced puffs.

"Jordan..." He took a slow, careful, step forward. He was forced to stop when a blur came between him and Jordan. He glanced down as the blur turned into a very, determined, Eve.

Jordan swallowed and looked down at her daughter. "Eve, go back to bed." She whispered, a little of her anger had dissipated at seeing her daughter. "We're just talking, sweety."

The little girl glared at Nigel. Eve had been watching the exchange between the two adults since they moved into the hall. She wasn't sleeping and their loud voices had startled her. All she could think of was protecting her mother and the baby. She didn't think Nigel would hurt her mother but she was afraid. "Unca Nige..." She whispered in such a innocent, scared, voice. Her jaw set and she held her head high, in a perfect recreation of defiance but her eyes betrayed her fear.

Nigel eyed the small girl who looked very threatening. He took a step back just to be safe. "I wasn't going to hurt you mum, poppin." He mumbled. "I just wanted your mum to talk to me. Do you understand, Eve?" He whispered.

"No hurt mommy or baby!" Eve demanded as the tears welled up in her eyes and she stomped her foot.

Swallowing, Jordan placed a hand on Eve's shoulder which caused the little girl to deflate. She gathered her sobbing daughter into her arms and held her. "Shh, it's ok. No need for tears." She mumbled into the little girls hair. "Nigel wasn't going to hurt me or the baby, pumpkin."

"Baby." Nigel mumbled. "You're pregnant." It was a statement not a question. He felt numb. At first he felt defeated and was ready to leave until he started going over her reactions to him, earlier. She really seemed to react badly to the mention of Joscelin, his current bed partner. "Bloody hell...who's the father, Jordan?" He needed to know and right now he could careless if Joscelin was at home waiting for him. He had only known the girl for two weeks and was planning on breaking up with her anyways. She expected too much from him.

Jordan stroked Eve's hair and continued to hold the little girl in the middle of the hall with the front door hanging wide open for the whole world to see them. "I need a man who wants to be a father, Nige." She whispered.

"Who...is...the...father?" Nigel asked even though he had a pretty good idea. He needed her to say it.

She debated on lying to him. Jordan knew that he'd leave then and she could start over. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. "You are." Her voice was just above a whisper.


	17. Epilogue

Three year old Maxwell darted through the halls of the house with eight year old Eve chasing after him. "Maxie! Come back here." Eve called out but the little black haired boy never slowed. With a burst of energy, she tackled her little brother just as he climbed up onto the couch. "You have to get dressed!" She huffed as the boy wiggled in her arms as she carried him back to the bathroom where a very amused Nigel sat on the closed toilet.

"He is a little hellion, isn't he poppin?" He questioned as he dressed his son in green UFO pajamas and let the bath water out. Once Nigel had Max tucked into bed, he joined a tired Eve in the living room. "I never knew bath time could be so hazardous." He muttered and ran a hand through his black hair. He glanced at his daughter. His daughter by love and by law. He had adopted Eve soon after they moved to New York. "You were never that hard to bath and I don't think you ever streaked through the house, naked." He smiled at the blush creeping up Eve's face.

Eve ducked her head as her cheeks turned red and looked at her hands. "Stop it, dad." She muttered. She hated it when her father made her blush. Usually, he did it in front of her friends.

Nigel smiled. "I'm sorry, poppin. You know that I can't help myself." He gave her puppy dog eyes.

She smacked him on the arm and then cuddled against his side. Eve really did love her father and the day that he had announce that he was going to make it legal, was the best day of her life. She didn't understand the whole legal part but she did understand that he was going to be her daddy just like Mark was her first daddy.

He wrapped his arms around the small girl and kissed the top of her head. "Why don't you go to bed, Eve. It's getting late." Nigel was watching the children while Jordan took their youngest to picked Spencer up at the airport.

Garrett had agreed to give Jordan partial custody of Spencer once he got over the shock of finding out that Jordan was married, expecting and living in New York with Nigel. This year, Jordan got Spencer for Christmas.

Nigel eyed the Christmas tree in the corner and smiled. This was their first Christmas with Spencer and Emma as a family. He was slightly embarrassed at the amount of money he had spent on presents but Christmas only came around once a year and this year was special. He slid away from Eve and laid her on the couch, covering his sleeping daughter with a multi-colored quilt from the back of the couch. He placed a kiss on her cheek and went to open the door. He had heard a car pull in the driveway.

Jordan grabbed the car carrier out of the back seat that held her sleeping four month old daughter, Emma. "Spencer, can you get your bag out of the trunk, sweety?"

Spencer Macy was thrilled when he saw his mother at the airport. He missed her. And he was even more thrilled to see his youngest sibling. He didn't get to see his mother much and when he did, she usually flew to Boston for a few days. The kids never came with her. He assumed that his step father got babysitting duty those days. He didn't hate Nigel. On the contrary, he liked Nigel. He was a cool uncle when he was little and now he was a even cooler step father. He always remember his birthday and sent him some cool gadget as a present. "Sure mom." The thirteen year old boy replied and grabbed his bag out of trunk and then followed his mother up the steps of the large, Victorian, two story, house. He was surprised when the door opened before they even reached it but smiled as Nigel appeared. "Nigel!" He ran passed his mother, slipping slightly on the icy steps but catching himself, and gave Nigel a one armed hug. He was very affectionate for his age.

Nigel smiled and hugged the boy back. The boy always amazed him. Being the son of Garrett, Nigel always expected the boy to be shy and awkward when he got older but he wasn't. He acted more like his mother than his father. He was outgoing and had the nack for not following directions and getting into trouble. Definitely Jordan's son. "Ello' Spence." He pushed the boy back and eyed him. "Looking more and more like your father each time I see you." He moved out of the way and grabbed the car carrier off Jordan. "Traffic, love?" He gave his wife a peck on the cheek before ushering them into the warm house and out of the cold. He removed the sleeping baby from the carrier and smiled down at her.

Jordan smiled and removed her coat and gloves, hanging them in the closet. She took Spencer's coat and hung it up as well then took Emma from Nigel since she had to feed the baby. "The guest room is set up for you, Spence." She turned towards her husband. "Where's Eve and Max?"

The boy eyed the pictures handing on the wall and smiled when he saw several of himself mixed with the other children. Spencer turned towards his mother and nodded. "Alright...could you show me the way?" He asked since he never had been in the house before.

"I'll take you, lad." Nigel started up the stairs then stopped. "Poppin fell asleep on the couch and Max is asleep in his room. She had a hard day. The boy didn't want to wear any clothes and she chased him through the house, with him butt naked." He grinned and finished the climb up the stairs, knowing the boy was following him. He pushed open the door of the newly refurbished room. "Here we are." He waited for the boys reaction.

Spencer blinked and flipped the light switch. His eyes widened at the sight of the room. He spun around then stopped, looking at Nigel. "Wha...?" He was at a loss for words.

Jordan carried Emma into the kitchen where she heated up a bottle and fed the baby who fell back asleep. She carried her up to the nursery and laid her down, where she then joined her son and husband. "This is your room, Spence." She heard his question to Nigel. "Your father agreed to let you spend half the summer with us, if you'd like. So we figured that you'd like your own room instead of sharing with Eve or Max. Do you like it?"

Nigel smiled at his wife and then back at the boy. "Your mum didn't want me to buy the computer or tv but I couldn't help myself. Every boy needs the latest gizmo's and such. Especially my step-son." He said proudly.

Tears welled up in his eyes and he launched himself at his mother and step-father. He hugged them tightly. "I love it!" He was excited.

"Get some sleep, tomorrow is Christmas. This is only one of your presents, sweety." Jordan smiled and closed the door as she pushed Nigel out into the hallway. She hugged him and gave him a kiss on he cheek.

They walked down the stairs, arm in arm.

Nigel gathered Eve up off the couch and carried her to her room, tucking her in just like he had done to Max. He then joined his wife in the living room. "I can't believe this almost didn't happen." He whispered as he sat on the couch.

"Neither can I, Nige. If I hadn't agreed to talk things over with you that day..." Jordan trailed off. "I think we've lived through enough drama in our lives that we won't ever have to watch a soap opera." She snuggled into her husbands side and played with her simple gold, wedding band, that matched Nigel's.

"No soap opera's, love?" Nigel raised a eyebrow and smirked. "But I was just starting to get into Days of Our Lives. What else am I supposed to do when I get home from work and my family isn't home yet" Nigel convinced Jordan that he wanted to be a father and even agreed to move to New York with her if that meant they could be a family. They were married in Boston, two weeks later. A week after that they relocated to New York, both working for the New York State Medical Examiners Office.

Jordan smacked him on the arm and gazed at the Christmas tree. Her father had sent his regards on not being able to spend Christmas with them this year since he was spending the holiday with his girlfriends, Ann, family. That was ok since this year, after Christmas, they all were flying to Kentucky to spend time with the Kincade's who had accepted Nigel and all the Townsend children into their family. This year they were looking forward to meeting the oldest and youngest of Jordan's children. "I love you, Nige." She whispered.

"I love you too, Jordan." Nigel mumbled as he was lulled off to sleep by the twinkling lights of the tree and the soft breathing coming from the baby monitor sitting on the end table beside the couch.

Eve shifted in her sleep and snuggled into her comforter as the room suddenly dropped a few degrees. She smiled when she felt something soft brushing against her cheek. "Merry Christmas to you too, daddy." She whispered in her sleep, the smile never fading. She heard the hushed whispered words of Mark Kincade.

The smell of old spice invade Jordan's nose as she began to join her husband in slumber. A soft breeze blew through the house though no windows were open. A picture of Mark, sitting on the mantle above the fire place, glowed softly for a moment. A whispered "Merry Christmas Jo. I will always love you." Was the last thing Jordan heard before slipping off into sleep. A soft smile, etched on her face.


End file.
